u/Impossible_Zebra_525

And this is no exaggeration.

My medical school secretly decided to remove sequential exams at the start of this academic year, and emphasised that anyone who fails will need to repeat the entire year. Then they also decided to remove feedback from OSCEs, which means all we will receive is a bunch of numbers. In the first semester, we sat the first set of OSCEs. My results were horrible but I had no idea what went wrong. I did more practice this semester but I still did badly in the second set of OSCEs. Results are not out yet but I know I have a slim chance of passing.

When justifying their decision of taking away sequentials and making students repeat the year, the medical school's stance that this is not to penalise students but an offer for students to repeat the year and become more competent. However, as an international student, I literally cannot afford to repeat a year of medical school. Most students may have a second chance, but I only have one chance. If I fail, I fail medical school. I am going to leave with nothing but a negative £120k that my family already spent on this degree.

I have had a lot of mental health issues since last year but towards the end of this academic year, this has improved significantly because I have made a group of very nice friends at placement. I have not felt that happy before. However, if I were to fail, I will have to leave and return to loneliness and darkness my old friends.

All the effort I have put in, all the money my family has invested in me, and all the relationships I have built in the past years, are going to be decided imminently by no less than a few cold numbers on a computer screen. No feedback, no sequentials. If I do not reach the pass score, my whole life is going to fall apart without my ever knowing why that is in the first place.

While waiting for results, every time when I think about the consequences and implications of not passing, I simply want to throw up. The fact that a few numbers the examiners entered on their iPad have the potential to kill the dream of a student, to make £120k worth of savings of a family completely meaningless, and to crush all relationships built over the years is simply ridiculous.

I experienced extreme anxiety (and failed) in my last OSCE, which was half a year ago. After that, I spoke to my GP who agreed to prescribe me some propranolol for anxiety. However, ever since I got the prescription, I haven't had the chance to trial its effect because I haven't come across an occasion that resembles the nerves of OSCEs. Unfortunately, mock OSCEs with friends, final years, clinical fellows or even consultants do not make me nervous at all because deep down I know they are not real. I spoke to a number of friends and their opinions are divided. Some say it helps massively and I should use it, while some say it messed with their brains during the stations and tell me not to use it. I know the effect of medication varies in each person so no one can say for sure, but the upcoming OSCE is an all-or-nothing scenario. I know my nerves will be even worse than last time, as if last time wasn't bad enough. Should I take the risk and try the pills on the day?

I know that PassMed is tried and tested, and still regarded as the gold standard. However, I really struggle to stand it.

At least half of the questions on there belong to one of the following:

• Too niche
• Too unrealistic
• Not something you would do as F1
• Poorly written
• Purely buzzword question

I have developed the habit of going straight to the comment section to see if this question was challenged by other users. Some most commonly seen comments are:

• "It can also be X because of Y" and then someone points out that Z was not given in the stem or W is specifically mentioned
• "I see X I click Y"
• A mnemonic like CNDUISHCNIUEWRNG to remember the complications of a rare genetic disease that affects less than 0.01% of the population
• "Surely you would do X and Y first to rule out Z before doing W"
• "Wouldn't the patient also show symptoms X and Y?"
• "Why is X the right answer", then someone says because the patient has symptom Y (seen in like 5% of all cases), then another person argues this patient is 22 (the disease usually seen in above 50), then something pointing out the obs doesn't fit, then someone says sometimes the obs are normal
• "Yea you would definitely diagnose this condition and start this specialist treatment as an FY1 on the ward or in GP" or "I've never heard of something diagnosing X or prescribing Y lol"

The majority of questions just do not resemble the questions that come up in my med school's AKT. Real exams test the most common stuff while half of PassMed is genetic condition, autoimmune disease, rare cancer, complications with 0.1% likelihood etc.

Of course there are good questions, but considering there are more than 10k questions and each major specialty has like 600 questions on average, it's really difficult to filter out the good ones and make use of them. Even if one has time to finish all 10k questions, half of the time will be wasted on the poor quality stuff.

Grad med student in the middle of med school right now.

I have never had a date before, and I don't see any possibility of my securing a date anytime soon. I am wondering (generally speaking) whether it is easier to date while one is still in med school or after one has started working. If I end up leaving med school single, will it get better from F1 or am I cooked?

I swear I suffer from depression every week from Friday afternoon onwards. Students and staff leave the building one by one. The common area becomes empty, the library becomes empty, the hospital becomes free of medical students.

The moment the last lecture / tutorial / placement activity of the week finishes, everyone I know is on their way out. Most often off to see friends and partners. Sometimes just off home and chill. Some off to work, home parties or night out. Occasionally off to somewhere else for extra-curricular or the airport for holiday. Anyway, their all live a brilliant life.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a pathetic person. I don't have any close friends. I have never had a partner. I live by myself and never managed to find friends to live with. I don't really have family except my dad who lives in the other side of the country. Never been invited to parties, gatherings or night out.

I despair the isolation every week between Friday afternoon and Monday morning. Once in a while is ok. Twice is ok. But when it happens every week, the loneliness is unbearable.