Struggling with renegotiations and non-monogamy. To which extent should I figure it out jealosy by myself or should she help me out.
Im in a 3 year-long relationship with my girlfriend. We have been non-monogamous since the start but only now she is starting to develop other serious relationships. I've been trying my best to deal with my jealosy and not put that burden on her, but something has happened that made me feel really shitty.
About 2 years ago, our relationship started to develop an ageplay dynamic, in which I was her baby. I simply LOVED IT so much, felt it made me conect very deeply with her and I really loved being taken care of. However, a few months ago, we had to renegotiate and decided she would not be my mommy any more. She told me she was feeling very overwhelmed by it and couldnt keep up with the intensity of it. I was a bit sad at the time, but it was ok in the end and we figured it out, even though I still would love for her to be my caregiver again.
Howrver, last week she told me a guy she is dating expressed an interest in ageplay and she was thinking about trying it out with me. She thought this was something not that important, but it made me feel really shitty. I told her that I couldnt help but feel jealous that she was doung something with anothwr partner that I really want to do with her and I kinda feel "prohibited" to.
She explained it was different with him, because he didnt like it the same way I did. I enjoy it in a very intense way that she cant keep up with, while he likes it in a more casua manner.
I understand her, but I cant help but feel very bad about it. I already dont like this metamour because of the way he treated her in the past and the times I had to support her because he was being a dick. And now she says she wants to start doing this dynamic with him that I really want to do with her...
She said we could practice eventually, and she needs a break from it with me. She said we could not have a relationship around it, but have sessions. However, it is still not clear to me how would this work, because at the same time she tells me this, she says she doesnt know how she truly feels about it.
For example, she said we could try making a session outside of her house. However, she explicitly said to me that she doesnt want to come to my house because of my parents and neither of we have money for a hotel or airbnb.
Yesterday we talked about it and I told her how I felt and she told me "I understand the jealosy and how you feel, but you know that thats something you have to figure it out by yourself, right?". And this made me feel very bad. I feel like I need her help to figure this out and find a solution, because its not a jealosy of sharing her with ankther partndr, but about the fact that he is allowed to do something I really wanna do with her and Im not.
I dont know, this is partly me venting, but Id like to know what y'all think about it. Im feeling that Im being a shitty girlfriend and "bad at non-monogamy" by feeling like this. Should I just focus on working on my jealosy or is there something that we could ajust in our relationship to deal with this situation?