u/Impressive-Yam-7787

Has anyone ever gotten out of having to pay child support?

I am a female. I am the biological mother of my son who was living with his father in Nz.

Long story kinda short. His father passed away with no will or next of kin. I flew from Australia to Nz to bring him to Australia, however his paternal grandmother who was also living in Australia, flew over and got to him first and took him up north in New Zealand.

I have been fighting this for 6 months now. I'm currently in debt from paying my lawyer while the paternal grandmother can take her sweet time since she's on legal aid. (I'm not eligible for legal aid).

I am at the point where I can no longer keep fighting. If I give up, I feel as though I shouldn't have to pay child support, I want my son so bad but they aren't letting me have him. Keep in mind I am fit to be a parent. I have provided everything from my financial income, medical certificate to my address to prove I have no problems caring for him.

The paternal mother lives with her son who has multiple DVO's, she has no job and is not planning on working either. (I have provided all evidence)

Their argument is that my son needs to know his Nz heritage.

Is there a way I can get child support reassessed?

I’m not trying to avoid my responsibilities as a parent. I’m simply asking whether there are any legal options available to have the current child support arrangements reassessed, reduced, suspended, or reviewed, because from my perspective, the overall situation feels unfair and unreasonable.

Thank you in advance.

I feel like the worst person ever and a failure. Not seeking any advice or anything. Literally just wanting to get things off my chest. This is a long one but i'll try my best to keep things short. I'll also be changing names of people due to privacy reasons.

Back in 2016 I was living in New Zealand with my ex. Let's call him Jackson. Jackson and I were living together in a rural area, his family were there but mine always lived overseas in Aussie land. (Except for mum who was in Auckland). I had no family or friends where we lived.

As you do, when you feel like you will be together forever, we thought we were ready for a baby and in 2018 we welcomed our boy. We'll call him Baba.

Like most women, I suffered from post partum depression. My pregnancy was horrible as I had Hyperemesis Gravidurum and was in hospital weekly up until 20 weeks. So after having Baba I was depressed and with no support, Jackson and I broke up. I wanted to take Baba to Auckland or Australia but Jackson refused. He told me the only option was to raise him in the rural area and I couldn't do anything about it.

Me being 23 at the time. I decided to leave Jackson and Baba and move back to Auckland to live with my mum.

My depression was a lot better being with my mum and Jackson and I were taking turns with Baba. I'd do the 3.5hr drive to pick him up and drop him off and I'd video call him whenever I could.

Fast forward to 2020, Jackson took me to court for full custody. I didn't know anything about the family court or lawyers so I just agreed to giving him full custody and settled with having my son every 2 weeks for the weekend. At times I'd have him for a whole week or so depending on the mood of Jackson.

Jackson gave me video calls whenever I wanted and all was great. I moved to Australia in 2023 to be with my other side of the family and all was great up until 2024 where he just stopped contact with me.

It was because I added his mother (Lets call her Biatch) to a video call with my son. I didn't realise at the time that Jackson HATED his mother and he was fighting with her. She messaged me about no contact with my son so I thought I'd be nice and add her to the call which really pissed him off.

So he blocked both me and his mother. I was trying every single day to call him and never ever got a response.

Fast forward to November 2025, Biatch called me to tell me Jackson had passed away. My immediate concern was who had my son.  Bitach was living in Melbourne at the time and i'm located in Queensland. Biatch told me Jacksons ex (Mary) had Baba. So I got in contact with Mary (who also had me blocked). I had to ring my mum to contact Mary to unblock me.

Anyways, I asked her if I could speak with Baba and she said yes. I spoke to him, told him I love him and would see soon. Jackson had no will or next of kin so I thought I'd fly to New Zealand to bring Baba to Australia.

I got the call on the Tuesday that Jackson passed away and booked my flight for the Thursday (2 days after). Once I arrived in Nz, I contact Mary who mentioned that Biatch sent her other son to pick up Baba and take him to another part of the rural area.

I messaged Biatch, she confirmed she had my son. I told her respectfully that i'm happy for her to keep Baba until the funeral so he can say goodbye to his father, but after it's over, I'd like to pick him up and take him back to Australia with me. She agreed and said that's fine.

After the funeral which was a Monday, I contacted her about picking up my son. She tells me she's busy and will get back to me. Tuesday comes along and I message her again, she tells me they have a family meeting.

Wednesday comes around and she says her family need more time with him as he's all they have left to remind them of Jackson.

At this point I was getting impatient as I was already in Nz for almost 2 weeks and taking time off work. I told her to please let me know what time would suit her as i'll be driving up the following day.

She then responds saying I won't be able to pick him up as they have a court order against me and an order preventing me from removing him out of the country.

I was in shock. I spent the next few days seeking advice from the citizens advice bureau and going into the family court to apply for a parenting order and to have the orders against me removed. Everything was getting declined.

Turns out, her sister in law is a lawyer and they know people in the family court in New Zealand.

I got myself a lawyer. I am now in debt. I have paid him almost 20k and I am no step closer. No judge cares about the fact that Biatch had zero contact with my son like myself, yet she was able to just take him and no one is questioning her about it. She lives with her other son who has been to jail and been in trouble for domestic violence. I have provided all the evidence to the court, yet no one cares. The lawyer for my son says 'Baba loves his uncle so I see no safety issues'..

The family court is soo fucking fucked up. Yes, I am not perfect. But I proved already I am fit to he a mother, I gave my doctors certificate stating I am not depressed nor have I ever been depressed or on any medication since being in Australia yet no one cares.

6 fucking months this has been going on for and I am no step closer to getting my son. I have provided all fucking evidence and because Biatch knows people in the family court in the rural area, I am not getting anywhere. I am so fucking done. I am tired. I hate myself for not knowing what to do.

I am sorry for this long rant. I'm just tired and have no fight left in me.