u/Impressive_Clue_9193

I've always believed I've had vaginismus because my symptoms line up exactly, but it feels rather extreme and I'm wondering if it might be something else.

- it is physically impossible to penetrate, like I mean physically. Not "it hurts too much"- I mean it does but also it can't physically fit anything even when trying to just get past the pain out of frustration.

- the way I picture it feeling is way different from how it feels to at least try to fit something inside. It almost feels more like a urethral feeling, even when looking in a mirror and making sure I'm not in the wrong area. It feels so disturbing. Like, I imagine it feeling more "back" like where my actual vagina is but when trying to insert a small dilator or anything it feels like my urethra. And I promise you I am not accidentally putting anything in my urethra. I don't know why it feels this way.

- it feels like razor blades to try and dilate even with a wabe as thin as a pencil. In fact it hurts worse to use something tiny like that which actually can penetrate but feels like it's stabbing vs a small dilator that feels like it's ripping the walls open instead

- it has actually improved with testosterone HRT (I'm ftm) even though things have gotten drier- it was way worse pre transition the pain and discomfort. ​

I feel like there's no hope for me at all. No $ for physical therapy but trying to fix it myself has done nothing. I've been trying for 5 years now

Just wondering from people who actually have experience with this type of travel (and not the "I walked across the US but spent 1000 ​on hotels n​ shit for maximum comfort type thing)

Would a walk / thru hike ​combined with cheap public transportation in cities where this exists (such as san Antonio) to boost my ETA (not greyhound style bus with high price point) be possible? I understand it would take over a month and be extremely challenging.

I mean, I know it's possible. But I've never spoken to anyone who's traveled in this way without having a massive budget that would cost more than a plane ticket.

Honestly don't want to have to justify it but for the curious: combination of desire for the challenge + financial constraints + the physical and mental strengthening ​is a plus.

I have very ​minimal experience with "​urban camping" ​but have done it and enjoyed it a lot fwiw. ​Have had a decent amount of experience with walking 15+ miles per day while carrying less than 20lbs. Not a true vagabond as I am housing supported by family and have relatively little experience​. Due to circumstance and mental illness it is extremely difficult for me to maintain total ​independence in a world not built for people like me. If my person died in an accident I'd be in the same boat as many of y'all so I try to get experience where I can because it doesn't hurt to be prepared. Although that's not exactly the point of this trip that would certainly help.

One way or another I'll be taking the trip at some point within the next few years, but it's important to avoid n​eeding an emergency exit due to my own stupidity and inexperience.

Anyone who's done something similar, feel free to comment on it and give advice, books and the internet​ are great but human experience is invaluable.