u/Impressive_Emu2793

I need some perspective.
I’m going to try to make a long story short.

I met a guy on Tinder 3 years ago.

The first time we met, we just had coffee and talked for hours. We both enjoyed each other’s company. I really liked him a lot, and he liked me too. I think he still does.

Then we met a few more times. He even invited me to hang out with his friends, and I met some of them.

A few weeks later, he was gone. He ghosted me.

I’m not the type of person who believes in the “let him reach out first” mindset. I reach out, check in, ask how someone is doing, and so on. I believe communication should come from both sides if you want something to work. But he stopped replying.

I also want to add that he works a lot, often 15-16 hours a day. I think he’s burned out because he’s always tired, and I’ve noticed other signs too. He is also very shy and introverted, while I’m the opposite.

But he keeps coming back.

A text can pop up after 3-4 months out of nowhere, usually in the evenings, and yes, it’s mostly about sex.

Twice I replied with something like: “You need to decide what you want from me and be honest about it, because I don’t like where this is going and I don’t like how you treat me.”

We’ve never had a big fight or argument. We mostly talk when one of us has something to say, and he agrees that the way he treats me is not okay.

I don’t think his self-esteem is very good. Before we met, he was fit, went to the gym, and took care of himself. Now he is overweight and, honestly, not someone I would turn around and look at if I passed him on the street.

But I like him and the good parts of him that I’ve seen. So I don’t mind his looks, although I would like to see him take better care of himself.

As for me, I often hear that I’m beautiful, and people always ask me why I’m single. Even with simple everyday makeup and normal hair, I notice men looking at me, trying to connect or just admiring me.

So my question is: why doesn’t he just let me go? Why does he keep coming back?

I’ve met him a few times when he reached out, but most of the time I either say no or don’t reply at all.

Im not in love with this buy I just want to understand what’s going on in his head.

I can’t give too many details because I don’t want anyone to know that it’s me writing this.

I had my shit together. I had a good life. For several years, I worked multiple jobs at the same time and held higher-level positions. Now I have almost nothing, and soon I might lose everything I have left.

I got sick a few years ago. It was surgery after surgery, then a mental breakdown and complete burnout. I am still struggling and trying to recover from it.

My whole life, I have helped everyone with everything. I am around 40 now.

If someone’s car broke down, they needed money, they needed a job, or they needed someone to talk to, they called me. I have solved so many problems and been there for so many people, even people I barely knew.

Now that I am down, who can I call?

No one.

I normally never ask for anything, but this time I finally did. And no one supported me.

What I got back were lectures about how much I suck, how bad my life is, and how I need to get my shit together.

I am so burnt out that I barely function anymore. I am isolating myself and I don’t want to meet anyone.

I still manage to do what needs to be done in school, and I work as much as I can.

But I am out of money and savings. My financial situation started falling apart when I got sick, and I have never managed to get back on my feet again.

Since then, I have been trying to catch up, but it feels like I am constantly falling further behind. I can’t pay all my bills anymore, and I can’t afford food or basic things.

I don’t shop. I don’t spend money on anything unnecessary. The only thing I do is try to pay my bills and survive, but it is still not enough.

My plan with going back to school was discussed with both family and friends before I started studying. I was supposed to get support during my studies so that I could still work enough hours and keep a decent income.

But that support never really happened. And when the support disappeared, the extra income disappeared with it.

I can’t be in school full-time, work enough to survive, recover from burnout, and still have a life without any real support. So I have been stuck, trying to make everything work on my own.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

Soon I might lose everything I have. Literally everything. I could end up homeless.

I am trying. I am trying to stay positive.