Enterprise Support or CIA Interrogation Simulator? I Can't Tell Anymore
Started a new enterprise support process recently and I genuinely feel like I entered "corporate dark souls".
I have prior support experience, so I came in thinking "okay, new SOPs, new workflows, will adapt". Nope. This thing is built like a security labyrinth designed by people who hate operational simplicity.
Example:
A user called in for a login/setup issue on my FIRST proper calls day. They needed 3 different access-related actions.
In every previous support environment I've worked in, if the reporting manager approves the request, you proceed, document properly and resolve.
Not here.
Here apparently:
- one approval = one action only
- separate approvals required for each activity
- separate people may need to validate each approval
- one person may perform one action
- another person may need to perform another
- another person may validate
- another person may complete the final login
And all this while your AHT target is around 12 minutes.
The funniest part? Just the security verification itself can take 5 to 7 minutes because:
- first set of security questions
- if failed, second set from another portal
- if failed again, manager approval
- if manager unavailable, escalate further
Meanwhile queue people start panicking if your call crosses 19 minutes.
I made the mistake of taking one manager approval for all 3 actions because logically:
same user + same manager + same onboarding request.
Apparently that's considered process deviation because every single action needs isolated audit traceability.
Then the call disconnected.
Then another tenured agent continued the ticket next morning because I was off shift.
Then QA review happened.
Then security assessment happened.
Then emails happened.
Then everyone started talking like nuclear launch codes were leaked.
Eventually QA basically said:
"ensure strict adherence going forward and complete security assessment."
Scored full/full and got thrown right back into production.
The process itself is absolute chaos:
- multiple IDs for different tools
- one ID for login
- one ID for remote support
- one ID for elevated changes
- certain access only leads have
- certain access only specific people have
- callbacks discouraged because "no avail"
- tickets still expected within SLA regardless
I genuinely feel like this process was engineered by taking a simple workflow and asking:
"how many layers can we add before human sanity collapses?"
At this point I don't even feel stressed anymore. Just fascinated.
Anybody else worked in processes where security/compliance became so overengineered that basic support started feeling like filing tax returns during a hostage negotiation?