​
Whenever I'm trying to study, I feel extreme fatigue and drowsiness due to psychological reasons ( my relationship with studying is horrible). I tried to think differently about it or approach it in new ways but nothing worked.
How can I fix this ? ( please do not recommend water or food or heath related solutions cause I used them all and I don't study in my room )
​
(F), All my life I crammed, everything was super easy that I didn't need to study until the exam date. Until high school, which is pretty normal, but I took this as a sign of my stupidity. I kept cramming and pressuring myself, it worked, I got 90.4% but my relationship with studying got affected heavily. During highschool preparation for my finals , I stopped everything and still couldn't study, social media deleted even youtube, phone on grayscale and it was opened in certain times only, etc, but I would ruminate , have extreme fear of failure, emotional dysregulation , my mind would freeze and I would get a tension headache, then I would notice that time is running so I panic and crash altogether.
The same thing happens whenever I'm learning something or studying. I decided to study math all over again so that when I get to college I won't struggle so much , it's a good goal since I ain't doing anything anyways. I'm usually good with math but while I was taking an algebra 1 test today I realized how much I suck and have gaps, everything just shattered, I couldn't continue the test, I got extremely angry and frustrated , I was so ashamed of my level and I know the logical thing to do is look for gaps in my knowledge and start to improve but I just kept focusing on me being bad at math. I started to worry about college, Since algebra 1 is making me suffer then how the fu.ck am I supposed to study engineering or anything similar , who do I think I am , why even try to improve , I will end up as nothing type of thinking.
This happened to me while studying IELTS too. sometimes even puzzle or escape room games.
I gave up on applying for scholarships because I don't think I'll be able to get one or keep up a good gpa if I get accepted.
All I do is escape, go under my blanket and feel like shit. If I keep studying It gets worse.
Notes: I can't afford therapy, english isn't my native language, please don't give cliche advice like do breathing exercises.