I think I have a crush???
He's a high school senior. I'm a high school sophomore. I met him at the beginning of this school year.
I'm not one to open up very easily. Everyone that knows me knows this. I'm very private. I don't talk about my home life, my personal life, my dating life, etc. In fact, I talk about my dating life so little that I have surpassed the lesbian allegations (that I have been getting since middle school), and have instead unlocked the asexual allegations. At first, I actually thought that I was a lesbian. Then, I actually thought that I was asexual/aroace. However, I'm not so sure about that anymore.
It was definitely not love at first sight. I don't believe in that stuff in the first place. In fact, I actually don't remember much about him from the first school semester. It was mostly this semester, the second semester, that I started to get to know him better. We're both in our school district's performance art group, along with 14 others (16 total members). We have 3 high schools that are included in the district, but only 2 schools have orchestras. Our group consists of students from all 3 schools. At the 2 schools that have orchestras, they also have a class period (1st period) specifically for this performance art group of mine. This year, there are only 4 total people in this one class period, including me, and him. Usually, we'd rehearse music, but 4 people isn't enough to do that, so it's basically just a free period. Our director is amazing. The 4 of us have had some very interesting and memorable conversations with him.
This guy is smart. I like smart people. He's funny. He's mature. He's artistically inclined. He's kind.
He's very sarcastic, like me. But unlike me, people can actually tell when he's being sarcastic, and sometimes it's so unfunny that it is funny. Our orchestra class is 2nd period, early in the morning. Our director likes to do this thing where he asks the class as everyone walks in if they're so, "awake!" and, "jolly!" and he also likes to say, "good morning everyone!" Obviously, no one fucking responds. Except for one person. Him. After he does that, the whole class then proceeds to make eye contact and does the ishowspeed face while simultaneously shaking their heads with disapproval, endearingly, of course. He also likes to "punch" people. You could just be standing there, and then he'll come up from behind you, beside you, even right in front of you, and then sucker punch you in the head. Except he doesn't actually punch you, because he misses on purpose. Sometimes he also "kicks" you. Other times, he'll just square up with you, rocking back and forth like a stick bug. (I'm not exaggerating.) He's literally just a silly guy.
This guy is also in theater. In January, he played the main role in the school theater's musical, while I, along with many others, was one of the musicians in the pit for the musical. It was a great experience. During the multiple hour long rehearsals after school, I got to watch the cast, as well as him, rehearse on stage. (The musical was Into the Woods in case anyone is curious.) He's minoring in theater, but he would've majored in theater if he had not decided to major in engineering instead. I understand, though. Don't wanna end up as the stereotypical starving artist. But I also relate. However, unlike him, I actually will be majoring in art. He plays the cello in our orchestra. He's not the best player by any means, but he's still good at the cello. He's also, once again, in our performance art group, an audition only performance group. He's also recently started to take private cello lessons. I'm friends with some more cellists, and so I went to their recital last week, one that he performed at. At the recital, they honored the high school and college seniors, and so he stood up. He said that he would still be playing the cello in orchestra in college, as well as minoring in theater. As an artist myself, someone who will be majoring in art, and someone who plays music alongside him, I find it really... cool... (for lack of a better word) when someone knows how to appreciate the arts. It tells me a lot about who you are as a person.
I think it was when he said he was an atheist when it made me go like, "woah this guy might be cool." As an atheist myself, and especially when you live in the south like I do, finding another atheist is like finding a shiny pokemon. (Its about to get REAL woke from here on out so proceed with caution if u dont fw that.) During the end of the 1st semester, my school, along with the 2 other high school hosted an anti-ice walkout. The other 2 coordinated with each other, but not us. So we were like, "what if we just hosted our own walkout?" And so that's what we did. Me and him, as well as our other friend, hosted an anti-ice walkout at our tiny ass school. There were 7 people who did it including us. The thing is, our campus is located in the middle of nowhere, and we would literally have to protest on the highway. However, since there were only 7 of us, we were like "nope," and ALL got in his ugly old jeep to go to the park to meet up with the other 2 schools. That's just the beginning though. Later, at the park, some counter-protesters pulled up with a loaded rifle. We all ran. No shit. (The gun was never fired, no worries.) During this moment, Mr. Potentially a Crush actually went back to his car with someone bc they needed something from it, and so he was not there with us when the counter-protesters appeared. And so as we were running, I asked my other friend if I should call Mr. Maybe a Crush. She said yes, and so I did. Thinking back, the police probably should've been called. Luckily, someone else had apparently already done that. Anyways, I explained to him the situation, and he came to pick us up. He dropped us off at a buffet bc children are always hungry, and then he went somewhere. Little did we know, he went back to the park, and was talking to the people with the gun. How fucking brave of him. Ugh. Anyways, after we yelled at him to get out of there, he went to pick up his little brother (freshman), and then met us at the buffet. We then proceeded to have #familybondingtime. We all got closer on that day. Other than being anti-ice, us woke police are also communists, not racist, not homophobic, not religious, and even more woke. So basically, what I'm trying to say is that I enjoy his company because he is a normal, not bigoted, human being.
He's also kind. And mature. Everyday, those of us who attend school No. 3, the one with no orchestra, have to leave 2nd period orchestra a few minutes early so that we have time to travel to our home campus. Everyday, he holds the door for us. Sometimes, we choose to ride with him instead of the bus, and most of the time, he's either playing Radiohead or Rage Against the Machine. (I started listening to Rage Against the Machine bc of him and another friend. Very woke band.) And then when we arrive at our home campus and head inside, he is once again holding the door for all of us. When it's concert day, and we're all carrying our instruments as we traverse to the auditorium, he's holding the door for us. When we have gigs, and we have to load/unload the trailer with all of our sound equipment, he's holding the door for us. (As well as doing to heavy lifting along with our director.) He's always holding doors open. He's so nice. So nice that it makes me feel bad that I'm not as nice as him. He's literally the embodiment of the puppy boy. I recently posted something in my insta story. He saw it, and asked what it was about bc he thought that it was related to something else going on, is what I later learned. So I told him that it was about my mom. Blah blah blah, he was like, "Oh." "I' sorry" "I mean Im sure you’re upset about it." "Do you think you’re going to talk to her about it?" "I hope she changes her mind or at least calms down a little bit" "I’m sorry again that that’s something you have to deal with. If you need help let me know, I’m not sure what I can do, but I won’t be far away anytime soon" Do you see what I mean? He's SO sweet. And btw, I literally copied his messages that he sent me and pasted them here. Just a few weeks ago, I had hand drawn 2 pieces of fanart for him and another senior as gifts bc our school was doing a thing where they had a wall with envelopes for all the seniors, and we could write letters and drop them in the envelopes. Turns out, the spiderpunk fanart I painted for him didn't fit in the envelope, so I had to hand it to him in person. Funny enough, right at that moment, he came down the stairs while wearing our school mascot's head (bc he's in student council and is the school mascot). And so I gave it to him. Luckily for me, I could not see his eyes, or even his face. He reached out as if offering a hug, but instead offered a high five instead. This isn't even a thing exclusive to him, but for some reason, people are scared to hug me. And so he didn't, and I high fived him instead. According to him, it was because he "couldn't really do anything in this costume anyway." Ok and what if I wanted a hug. I get that ur a gentleman and all, and that u dont want to hug someone if ur unsure if they're okay with that and all, but I actually wanted a hug. Sigh. Just last Monday was our orchestra banquet. There's a lot of seniors graduating this year, and so obviously I freaking cried, not only cuz he's gonna be leaving, but I also have other senior friends who will also be leaving. And THAT was our first time #hugging. It wasn't long, just a few seconds. It was just a simple, one armed hug. Looking back, I should've hugged him a little bit tighter. He also hugged other people, and they hugged him too. Except, they hugged him how I wish I had hugged him. But it's okay. At graduation, I'll make sure to hug him properly.
Oh yeah. And he has a girlfriend. In college. (Freshman.)
*Edit I forgot to mention the most important thing??? He's also a nerd. Im also a nerd. And i love nerds. (And he wears glasses.) Im not a fan of pop culture at all. I much prefer spending my time in fandoms around fandom culture. He likes spiderman (specifically spiderpunk, hence why i drew fanart of spiderpunk for him), TADC, and like how I mentioned earlier, he's in theater, meaning that he's also really into musicals. Although I also identify as a nerd, I'm sort of a different genre of nerd. I prefer consuming eastern media, such as webnovels, manhwa, manga, donghua, and anime. Either way, I highly enjoy talking about fandom culture, even if they're about vastly different fandoms. I like it when people have their own interests outside of pop culture.