u/IndependentKnown4982

I (25F) need some outside perspective because this has been bothering me a lot.

I’m totally okay with contributing financially in a marriage. I actually expect to. I’m not trying to sit back and let someone else carry everything that’s unrealistic, especially these days.

But my boyfriend’s attitude about money feels… off.

From early on, he’s been very direct about how his future wife will contribute financially in a very firm, almost demanding way. He asks about my earnings a lot, wants to know details about my finances, and keeps bringing money into conversations.

At one point I mentioned I help out with bills at home, and he immediately jumped to: “So are you going to pay bills after marriage too?” It didn’t feel like curiosity it felt like he was assessing me.

The thing is, I’ve already told him I plan to contribute and support my partner in every way I can. I’m not backing out of anything. But I don’t like feeling like I’m being bound to a financial obligation or treated like my value is tied to what I earn.

When I push back, he says I’m contradicting myself because I said I’d contribute. But to me, there’s a big difference between willingly contributing in a partnership vs. being pressured or treated like my worth is being measured.

It’s starting to feel like money is the main thing he cares about, and honestly… it makes me uncomfortable. Like my worth is being reduced to what I’ll “bring to the table” financially.

I get that everyone has different expectations and experiences. And yes, realistically both partners usually contribute. But this feels like pressure.

Am I overreacting here?

TL;DR:

I (25F) am okay with contributing financially in a relationship, but my boyfriend (27M) keeps pushing the topic of money in a way that feels controlling and transactional. He constantly asks about my income and expects clear financial commitments for marriage. I feel like he’s treating my value as tied to how much I earn, even though I’ve already said I’ll contribute. I’m not backing out of supporting a partner I just don’t like the pressure or the way he’s framing it. Not sure if this is normal expectations or a red flag.

I’m in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend sent me a selfie from a hangout.

In the picture, there are two of his male friends and him in the back, and a girl standing in the front closest to the camera. All of them are smiling, including the girl.Boys are extra smiley tho.

But I still felt a bit weird about it for some reason. Not because anything obvious is wrong, just the setup and the fact that I’m not there to read the situation properly.

Now I’m trying to figure out if I’m:

just overthinking a harmless group photo

or if my discomfort is worth paying attention to and talking about

He didn’t say anything suggestive or weird, it really does look like a normal hangout picture. I just didn’t expect it to bother me this much. Is it because he's trying to show me that he got girls around him. Because that was random

Has anyone been in a similar situation in a long distance relationship? Do you usually bring things like this up, or just move on if nothing actually suspicious is happening?

TL;DR: Boyfriend sent a normal group selfie (him, 2 friends, and a girl in front). Everyone’s smiling, but it still made me feel uneasy and I’m unsure if I should talk about it or ignore it.