What I’m doing for Mother’s Day since she’s dead
I don’t really believe in death, but she’s not in a body anymore. I talked out loud with her a bit.
But what I really want to share though is that I’m creating a character who has 10 parents. A fictional daughter—and this is how I’m giving my mom a grandchild.
And if she had lived, I would’ve someday found nine other adults to actually support one child with together, so she can have a grandchild in the flesh. I will do that. I’m not really on a fence, more like a really, really slow and long staircase.
it’s just that I don’t fit into the category of parent or the category of childfree. I deeply respect both groups, but either describes me.
My fictional daughter has taught me so much, and inspired me to be a better person, kinder, more patient. The emotions I have about her are really real. I’m not saying they are as intense as those of someone who has a biological child, that they are more intense than any other love I have felt. I hear about “a love greater than any of you felt before.” That.
Maybe tied with the love that I felt for my mom when she went into hospice and became a completely new person.
For me, there’s no separation between keeping my commitment to ethics on the one hand and being a dad or coparent on the other.
I believe that we are all fathers and mothers (and wherever the term for a non-binary parent would be) if we want the label. I believe we all have deep, deep caring within us for everyone’s children. In fact, the concept that child belongs to someone doesn’t really compute in my mind. Children belong to themselves, we are all their family. In our extremely connected world, what I do harms future generations or helps them.
I wish everyone an easy Mother’s Day, a day we celebrate something with good intentions, but unfortunately brings so much distress as well.