u/Independent_Kale_315

TW: graves illness, Vomiting, unintentional weight loss, overall just a negative post

I have just been diagnosed with Graves’ disease.

Backstory

My weight was an emotional issue as a kid, I was bullied for it in elementary. But after most people were kind and I realized my weight doesn’t actually matter, if it matters to someone then they’re not worth my time. I became comfortable with body neutrality, I fell pretty but my body is just a vessel. Over the last 6 months I’ve unintentionally lost an extreme amount of weight. I didn’t see it, my parents would tell be but I just thought it was rose colored glasses. I was also experiencing a lot of heat intolerance, nausea, and vomiting. It was mildly debilitating at times. I didn’t want to go out and experience the discomfort again or slow anyone down. I was taking Prozac at the time so that was what I was assumed was causing it. I decided to stop taking it but the symptoms raged on. (Prozac side effects can last months after the last dose but it exceeded the time limit). My mom had a conversation with me and urged me to see a doctor and I thought what was the harm so I did. When the doctor saw my unintentional weight loss they were very concerned. I was smaller, my precovid weight. I was eating healthy and working out at the time, the pandemic happened and I gained weight. I was stunned, and shamefully, happy. So to see the number just brought up all my old feelings around my weight. I felt like a kid hating the thought of gaining it back. I hate being brought back to this head space. Today I went to the doctor got weighed again and I was the smallest, like I don’t even remember the last time I was that small. It felt good. I got prescribed medication, I will gain it all back and more most likely. the Graves’ disease is not helping either, anxiety is a pretty common symptom. I just feel like this is my one chance to change but I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I should do it in my head space. I just want to be comfortable in my body but that feels in possible.

Sorry for the long tangent it’s been a lot on my shoulders. I appreciate you if you read this far. And sorry if anything in this post sounds like bragging that is not my intention at all. Please let me know so I can change how I talk about this.

My question is has anyone here gone through something similar, how were you able to be comfortable in your body again? Were you also shamefully happy? I know I’m not the only person going through this but I feel alone and would appreciate anyone’s advice.