I keep on having 2nd thoughts about my relationship.. mind is messed up..! (Never ever cheat in relationships)
I (27M) am in a 4 year relationship with my woman(25F)..
the thing is in the past i haven’t been quite loyal to her a few times… (micro cheating- texting/flirting with girls online) which she found out. We had huge fights. And luckily she forgave me for everything and chose to save the relationship. I have been drowned in my guilt for a very long time.. i decided to be a better partner to her.. took therapy to understand myself better and come out of my guilt. I grab every opportunity to make her feel special make her smile.. and build the trust again.. but it is too tough to build that same trust.
Now about her.. she comes from a privileged background.. but never made me feel any less. The only thing is her anger issues which are there since her childhood. I get shit scared of her anger and i have never been able to handle it well. She has problems with my mother as well. I agree that my mother is a difficult woman but i can’t disrespect her after a point. I can only stand by my gf. Which i do but that is never enough for her.
Things are now getting better between us. She seems to be happier with me and even wants to marry me. Her parents hate me to the core. So convincing them is a huge uphill battle.
My dad is chill he treats her as his own kid. My mom also accepts her but she is a possessive mother so thats why the friction is there.
Now coming to the point.. after all the history.. the good and bad moments of our relationship.. i don’t feel 100% sure of marriage.. i don’t know if i am really happy with her or not. I love her a lot but i don’t feel happy.. most of the times i am scared of her.
I am even scared to discuss this with her because i tried doing it before and we did breakup for a few days and she was miserable during that time.. so much that her sleep food work everything was affected a lot. I can’t put her through all that again. I am worried for her and scared of her as well.
I love her but i am confused about the future.
TLDR: I love my gf a lot.. but i am also scared of her anger issues. I don’t feel happy.. and i am worried about her health and career if i speak about breaking up with her.