Relationship advice
Im going to try to shorten this so any info needed I can answer. I got chewed out cause I didn’t know Reddit rules so if I did something wrong please tell me nicely 🥺
What do you guys think I should do or what is some advice you may have? That’s not just “you need to leave him.” we are on the verge of that already which has prompted me to make this post now because it has been on my mind to make the post for a while.
I have been with my boyfriend for 10+ years. We had a child together but ended up in addiction. My parents ended up adopting my children. That’s just the basics but it’s a very detailed case like most. My parents will not let my boyfriend (son’s dad) see his son so he hasn’t in 9 years.i hate it and wish he could see him but i barely get along with my parents and have to tip toe around them with my own children because they have total say in everything. We have been clean for almost 2 years but my parents hate us being together at all. I can’t make my parents let my bf see my son, if i brought it up it would make it worse for me and we are back peddling.
My bf and I have broken up a few times through the years and have periods of sober time but we always reconnect.
He has never been a person that cheats. Hes always been all about his girl, a little to controlling by never wanting to be without his girl beside him. Hes ALWAYS stood up for me no matter what. His family is the biggest drama starters I know and I’m not just saying that. They said things about our child, his mother had came at me for no reason except for being so messed up and fought me, made status’ about us when me and my bf are fighting. They are in our business 24/7 and I do blame that on him.
When we got back together this time A LOT was different with him. I went into cardiac arrest and didn’t actually remember anything till after 3 weeks, 2 days before I was released. In this time he still would talk to some girls he had done stuff with when we broke up that we had fought about because why are you talking to them when their intentions are clear.
Then we get into a huge fight and he would turn off his phone at night or put it on do not disturb or my calls on silent, he would tell me he’s going to bed but wasn’t, he told me he was at a gas station gambling for over four hours and the four is just what I know of, on Mother’s Day he did not call or text or turn his phone off of silent or unblock me until the end of the day. There is more, but this was all in a two week span.
There’s been a couple other fights since then because of trust and trust is a big thing in a relationship I know that. I have cut total contact with his whole family and he can’t stand that, but all of his sister‘s friends are people that he has slept with and most of them are friends with her because he brought them to her house to sleep with them so after trying to trust him and letting him do what he wants because I have no reason to doubt anything except for those two weeks. Drama just kept happening with these girls and all this stuff because of his family so I said I don’t want him going there. His excuse was that since he can’t see his son, his nephew that is about three helps him a lot. I understand that also because my nephews helped me a lot when I didn’t have my children so I sympathized with it and just set boundaries but those boundaries were never held up on his side.
Eventually, it came to the point that is right now and I need advice on. He leaves early in the morning when he wakes up and doesn’t come back until later at night. If I say I’m leaving to go to one of the three places I go to then he will stay home because he doesn’t want me to leave until it gets late enough that he knows I will not go out in the dark or leave to go somewhere and he will leave.
When he is gone, he’s very nice to me and calls me baby in this in that but when he’s home, he’s rude and ignores me and just argues with me every day.
An important thing to add is that I am chronically ill and cannot do much. I am in bed about 4 to 5 days out of the week and have to plan being in a flare if I do something for one day and going outside in the heat, humidity or sun is impossible. He cannot seem to understand how sick I am and why I can’t go outside so that’s putting a very big block an argument into everything. He also says I can go with him and invite me to go to his families, but why would I go somewhere when I am not wanted there and not respected nor do I wanna be there. Like I said before he does not like me to go anywhere without him and asked if I was going to see my children to spend the Fourth of July with them and I said no. He replied with “why not “ and I replied with “cause it’s too hot for me” and he is now mad that he is not “able” to do anything like go to his sisters today because I can’t do anything which he knew and we had already discussed when arguing that summer isn’t going to be the same with me sick like this. So he WANTS me to leave so he can go to his sisters.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I have exhausted all options but I’m still trying. He saved my life when I went into cardiac arrest, and six months later, saved me from drowning in the bathtub from having a seizure. When I had a seizure is when I got clean and so did he. In my heart it’s hard to let go knowing he saved my life, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him nor would I probably be clean.
I don’t know how to make this shorter so I made it as short as possible, but there is a lot more in between everything and I just don’t know if I should walk away or keep trying. I love him, I do but I really think he’s seeing someone else or he is doing what we got off of with his mom. Yes she used to use with us, his dad and mom and step dad. His dad is sober that I know of but his mom is not.