I was told writing poetry helps with dealing with emotions. I’ve never written poetry before, but I’m quite sad, so I wanted to give it a try. (It is very long and not well made, sorry)
**Poem**
Stay awake dreaming
Thinking of the man I wish to be
For three to four hours
I walk around a university in a body that feels foreign to me, yet I look the same
thinking of the man I want to be
stay awake dreaming
struggling to leave my bed because I don’t want to face my father, I cower
thinking of the man I should be
For three to four hours
“just one more bite” I say as I grab a fist full
thinking of the man I can’t be
stay awake dreaming
I have class, I have work, I have wants, I have needs, but I make my room a bower just for me
thinking of the man I have to be
For three to four hours
My mother loves me, my mother yells, my mother says he has no reason to judge me, my mother stares, I’m not good enough for them
thinking of the man I must be
stay awake dreaming
i was once a smart man, but I’ve been consumed by sloth, I don’t want to read, I don’t want to work, I’m slowly killing myself, but I can’t stop, I don’t have the power
thinking of the man I will be
For three to four hours
I’ve been sad for most my life
At age ten, I was staring at a knife
At age twelve, I was questioning my life
One years later, I held a gun
Two years later, I stood on the ledge and they thought it was for fun
Three years later, I saw the lights fly by me and I wanted to run
Since college started, I’ve seen myself rot away
Getting bigger
Feelings dumber
Then I found someone who loved me
When she stared at me she wasn’t judging
When she laughed it was with me
My family was inconsistent
They would change how they treated me on the daily
But she was special
She was great
For once in my life I had gone several months without being sad
I had gone several months losing weight
I had gone several months feeling only love from someone
But now she’s gone
And I am sad
Every night I close my eyes I see her, but she doesn’t see me
She doesn’t love me anymore
I’ve gained twenty pounds since she’s last laid her eyes on me
She doesn’t love me anymore
I’ve spent my whole summer wondering what I could’ve done differently
She doesn’t love me anymore
I wish she could love me again
I wish I could show her I was worth being with
I wish she could see me again
I wish I could move to her city and show her we don’t need to be a myth
But she doesn’t love me anymore
i am sad
Now all I do is
stay awake dreaming
For three to four hours
Thinking of the man I could’ve been
with you