r/UnsentPoetry

every now and then i risk everything i’ve worked so hard building up,
like my sanity, my confidence, my self-esteem & physique,
to sell you the pretty package of a healed romantic mourning your absence for weeks;
betting my all on the odds that i not only love you, but you’d risk it all for us too

i bet you’d laugh at my optimism in being dealt a fair hand,
or for painting the truth like a pig in lipstick;
i’m cushioning for when reality rears a fixed-head
so i don’t drown in more debt won gambling my heart yet again

Sometimes I do sit myself down and wonder what do I really have that could make someone stay.

Cause honestly I have nothing to be proud of

Nothing beautiful enough to admire

Nothing succesful enough to admire and talk about.

Nothing special enough that could make someone choose me twice.

I don't have the kind of heart that people write stories about.

I don't have anything

All I have are tired Eyes, Heart, an exhausted soul and a mind that keeps apologizing just for existing.

I have nothing to offer to anyone.

Nothing to give except overthinking..

[removed]

If you ever find yourself
with another human being,
I hope that you're not as mean
to them as you were to me.

Here's just a few words of advice,
so that it might not happen twice.

First off, I suggest at least three years working on yourself,
before you go and ruin the mental health of someone else.

Maybe less, if you go once a week,
and don't forget, it's called CBT.

Here's a few tips you can borrow,
couple of rules you can follow.

It's okay to get a bit wild,
just don't be such a child.

Act your age, it's okay.
You can be a child... at heart,
but maybe don't pull away
when they try to get in your car.

I think it's a safe bet,
in case you haven't yet,
to not treat them like a friend, a brother, or a parent.

When they say how they feel,
it's not an attack.
When they try to be real,
stop with the act.
When they ask how you feel,
give 'em more than just, "bad."

If they say that "It hurt when...,"
listen and learn, and maybe then
will you validate their reality,
instead of challenging their sanity.

Let the "good guy" ego go.
Get curious to get to know.
What's their experience?
Things you don't witness,
when you get so defensive,
and become apprehensive.

Try to let go of doing no wrong.
Real reflection will soon come along.

Tell your people you're proud of your person.
Hiding the truth shows lack of assertion.
Try not to lie by omission.
Moving in together is a big decision.

Maybe don't go on a random trip
when you're only about six months in.
This is vital for your connection,
it's when attachment starts to begin.

Maybe, if you go, when you come back,
try not to devalue them so bad.

This is also probably not a good time
to start withholding intimacy.
It's dehumanizing and not a good vibe.
It garners your love equivocally.

Oh, that look you do when everything's fine
to provoke a reaction, that's so out of line,
with the room's energy, that you bring down
to make them feel crazy, with faking a frown,
then dismiss the reaction, like it's a joke.
While we're on the topic of gaslighting... Don't.

Please note: vulnerability mentioned
is NEVER to be used as a weapon.
This shows through your sly passive aggression.
Take my experience as your lesson.

Also, don't treat them like a second choice
Don't speak your opinions through your friend's voice

Maybe don't tell them you had a crush on a guy,
then make him so important that they ask why.
Why you chose to complement his meat,
and again at your small work retreat,
or how you really love it best in your mouth
and again in front of his wife at his house.

And probably don't trick them,
for some sort of weird triangulation,
into meeting the guy's parents,
then "forget" your anniversary for sake of their embarrassment.

I would think it's best to include them in matters
that affect the both of you, for sake of manners.

Like inviting your sister to stay with you.
Don't just inform, consult, consider their view.
Decide together, that's just how it be do.

Perhaps while you're doing all of this,
it'd be less dehumanizing,
while you call her and your mom over FaceTime,
to introduce them - to create a baseline.

With all of this said,
if you and your human must come to an end,
I hope you gave it a real chance
and didn't let your unresolved issues create circumstance.

But if it is so,
I hope that you'll know,
defensiveness is most likely where you have plateaued.

I can already bet,
knowing it hasn't even happened yet,
that all of these warnings, you will probably still soon forget.

And my God PLEASE,
if you choose to leave, just LEAVE!
Don't put them through hell for your momentary personal peace.

Stop the future faking,
the devaluation,
the constant invalidations you're making.

Don't push them away
hoping they'll fray,
or make misleading promises pretending to stay.

Oh, and just one last thing...
ACCOUNTABILITY!
Take it, it's yours!
Fake it, if it makes you break, then recourse.

Do you think of me now and then? Do you wonder about what I'm doing, how I'm doing? Do I wander through your dreams? Does looking at the full moon give you goosebumps knowing I'm gazing upon it at the same time? Do you still visit the graveyard to ask if I'm okay? Does the river still dance when he hears my name? Then I just smile and remind myself not to get lost in wandering through wonder.

But if you do, then maybe, one day, when we close our eyes and each whisper, meet me at our spot; when we open them, this time we'd see the other right in front of us. As if waking up from one long night terror with a sense of relief and comfort that it was all a dream. You'd drift off again into peace and I'd put on my favourite socks from your pile of laundry, sneaking out to make sure you woke up to iced, black and bitter beside your head. To see that gentle smirk from the corner of my eye as you clutched it close and took your first sip, and hear you whisper to yourself, "I fucking love this man", one more time as you thought I was out cold back in bed; lost wandering through wonder. Oh how that would heal a war waging inside this broken, bruised, tired, homesick and wandering lost soldiers mind.

They say home is where the heart is; so are you homeless or heartless? I yearn to go back home, because here in this earthly realm is definitely not where I belong. I'm just visiting here; and happened to get lost where the pieces of your heart is.. home is where the heart is; and home feels like you. Even if callous and heartless; homeless I'm not because home is where your heart is, and mine is where yours lived. Nothing feels more like home than getting lost putting back together the pieces of where mine hid.The irony in feeling at home when lost wandering through wonder of where my home is.

But still I wonder as I wander. As long as I don't get lost in wandering through my own paradox of truth and delusion, a sea of contradiction masked as my mind which loves and thrives being lost in the woods of wonder. I chuckle at the thought that on the other side of anothers poetic pain, written in ink of tears, that in that moment it isn't just another lost soul, a stranger in the wind; releasing their words they wish they said, to burn in the fires of the wild. But rather finding warmth in being lost in the cold and wandering through wonder for just a few moments that it not be only in a dream it was familiar pair of my favourite socks on that side, bleeding out as well with words which too, long replayed in their head; and they too in that moment were wandering through wonder of what once was, and now question if ever was or merely the wild story created in our own imagination, mind of wonder and if I ever do the same.

It's a freezing warmth to believe one day, you and I will meet again, and we will meet at our spot and not in our dreams. Finding each other and save two soul ties from ever getting lost wandering through wonder again. But I know I will remain lost wondering if you too get lost while wandering through wonder. To get lost with you once more is when I'd hope to never be found again.

I’m confused

Not in the way where you debate between two choices

Or the way you wonder what was or wasn’t

More so when you stare at a wall and have no idea how to digest what has happened

Where you’re in between reality and illusion

A place where the person you think you love is but a facade for who you believe them to be

They appear to be the light and the warmth

But then like any possible experience in between the sky and the earth

Nothing ever stays hidden

They open the door to their heart but all you find when you step into the room is only a window

And all you see outside from it is nothing but complete darkness

So hollow and so empty , your heart only cares

Your mind understands and comprehends their confliction

But that’s not right

The man who stays composed behind his false persona cannot allow another human to see through him

So he locks the door while you remain inside

Lighting his match and all his ‘ weight‘

And watching you burn

how fucking dare you EVER repost some bullshit like that man LOL you’re the diabolical one. i kept your god damn secrets. i was a good fucking friend to you. and i get repaid with just absolutely baseless shit as fucking always. to think i literally cried over losing this friendship. fuck that shit don’t ever hit me up again and if i see you it’s on fucking sight know that.

I still can feel

The weight of your eyes on me

Discomfort because I was used to looking away

Not allowing myself to be seen

But that night

On two separate ends of the couch

Your gaze lingered

Deep, wanting, and knowing

And I allowed myself to hold that gaze

Longer than we both knew we should

And that intensity stays with me

Like the sound of your voice

Your laugh

The weight of your body

The feeling of my hand in yours

And all of the little mannerisms and body language I don't know how to put into words

Yet I still understand it

I'm glad to remember

I wish our eyes could meet again