🚨🦑🔥 WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! HOME OPENER!!! BUOY ATE THE FIRE ALARM, AND THE ZAMBONI IS BEING DRIVEN BY A FUCKING SQUID WITH A LEARNER’S PERMIT!!! IT’S FUCKING GAMEDAY!!! 🚨🧯💥
CALGARY!!! WE BEAT YOU 6–1 THURSDAY!!! NOW YOU’RE 0–2 WITH TWO GOALS ALL SEASON!!! THESE FLAMES HAVE THE HEAT OF A FUCKING EASY-BAKE OVEN WITH DEAD BATTERIES!!! 🔥🧁😭
LAST NIGHT!!! TIED UNTIL THE FINAL THREE MINUTES, THEN THE POINTS ESCAPED LIKE A HAMSTER THROUGH A FUCKING DRYER VENT!!! FINISH THE GAME!!! 🐹💀
MCCANN!!! BENIERS!!! KAKKO!!! SEVEN COMBINED POINTS AGAINST CALGARY!!! COOK LIKE THREE RACCOONS WHO STOLE GUY FIERI’S FUCKING IDENTITY!!! 🦝🍳🔥
CATTON!!! WRIGHT!!! WINTERTON!!! BACK-TO-BACK!!! KEEP THOSE LEGS MOVING NO FUCKING DECAF!!! ☕🏒💥
MCMANN!!! KEEP FIRING!!! EVERYBODY ELSE, JOIN HIM!!! THEIR NET ISN’T A FUCKING MUSEUM EXHIBIT!!! 🖼️😭
PENALTY KILL!!! KEEP IT UP!!! STAY OUT OF THE BOX!!! NO TWO-MINUTE VACATIONS IN THE FUCKING NAUGHTY AQUARIUM!!! 🐠💀
FIVE PM!!! PUREE THE FLAMES INTO GAS STATION SALSA!!! 🌶️🦑💥
LET’S FUCKING GO KRAKEN!!! 🦑🔥🏒