I don’t wanna love my boyfriend anymore
Hi, I’ve seen a load of stories on TikTok and I really wanna get this off of my chest.
I honestly don’t even know where to start bro, I don’t think anyone is gonna see this post to be honest but if someone does, I hope no one thinks I’m a bad person.
I have loved this boy for almost 2 years, and the only reason I haven’t left is because I know I still have so much love for him. But he’s a bad person, he’s so mean to me, when we argue, or even have tiny squabbles over nothing, it fills me with so much hatred for him I don’t even know dude. I think this doesn’t come out of the blue, we’ve had a bad past in our relationship.
I carried this relationship on my back for a whole year and when I was finally done with it. He turned around and told me he was actually going to change, but it feels like that “change” didn’t even last. He never takes me on dates, we’ve never been to the movies, he doesn’t randomly come home with flowers, he doesn’t write me love letters, we never go out to random places just to sit and talk, we don’t have any cringey couple moments where it just feels like we’re the only people in the world.
It feels like we’re friends sometimes, it feels like I’m only worth his attention when we’re s*xually intimate. I’m losing my mind over this stuff. When I bring it up, at first he gets defensive and dismissive and then he eventually says he going to change and he does, but it restarts.
To be honest, we’re both 19, broke and living with parents but it doesn’t mean he can’t love me? I feel like the bird in the cage meme.
In all honesty, I can’t leave it either, I’m so deathly attached to his hip that it leaves me wanting to rip my head off. I love him, I love him so much that it makes it hard to breathe, I can’t imagine a life without him and it hurts me so bad to even think of a life without him but I just don’t want to love him anymore, I genuinely don’t want to love him anymore because if I leave him it will tear my life apart, and if I stay I’ll just be this sad sack of shit feeling bad for herself.
I just don’t know what to do.