u/Ineed_help_throw

So basically I have been questioning for about a few years now and it's been super annoying lately.

So basically, gender is the less important part here. Basically I assumed I was non-binary a bit ago, but I'm thinking maybe I'm genderfluid?

So basically the way I feel shifts anywhere between a dew days to month or more. But I have never seen anyone have that shift inbetween a few days so it's making me question if I'm actually not genderfliud? Idk.

But about sexuality oh my god where do I even begin. I'm super confused. I think I'm bisexual, but again, it is so weird. I don't get it. I think I like women a lot more then men.

I don't really find men all that attractive. But at the same time I'm unsure, because I do find some men pretty, maybe even attractive facially but when it comes to body...

I actually don't know, I don't think I like them. Like individually I think for example abs are attractive (? Still not sure how I feel about them irl I like fictional ones though? I think)

Like honestly idea of an encounter with a man horrifies me and paralizes me. Idk if that's actually due to lack of attraction or just a me thing.

Weirdly enough, I do like some scenarios in my mind, but I feel like it's not the same as liking men, Like I find nothing besides the face about men attractive so... Like I don't get it.

Though, unlike men, I do like women and I do find them attractive irl I know that, but the moment I imagine like, an actual encounter that kills any excitement (most of the time), but as long as it stays in my imagination it's usually just normal.

I've been thinking that it's aegosexuality maybe, I still don't know im confuseduuuh.

And romantic attraction is its whole thing because I'm not sure whether I feel it or not. As simple as that. I've looked someone and my heart has skipped a beat, yeah. But when picturing us together its like... No. So I'm just confused.

That's honestly all I think idk im like super confused T T

Alright, so this one is pretty stupid.

So basically, at night I try to go to sleep, everytime I close my eyes, I get this dreadful feeling that I have to open my eyes and check that there is no monster staring down at me and about to eat me or something, I'm not sure.

I feel the need to open my eyes, or "it will get me". Everytime I open my eyes, my brain just tells me that even though it dissapeared, it will reappear again once I close my eyes, so I have to check a few times so that I can ease up that dreaful feeling and go to sleep.

This is not really an issue, though I do remember being very scared of all of this when I was younger. It just seems really silly to me now.

Is it just me or does anyone else also get that?