My life is over
Hi, I (25m) have been in a relationship with the mother of my children for the last 4 years. We had two kids the time we were together. I met her on Instagram and went to her house to pick her up. From the moment we met we hadn't been apart for four years. Our relationship started out rocky really. We both got caught texting other people but we pushed through and before she got pregnant we had a really rough patch. We were working in the same place, just different sections, I had developed a close friendship with one of my coworkers and she hated it. It really started out as just a friendship but the girl started to come on to me more and more each day. I had to make a choice and that's when she discovered she was pregnant and we moved on. We left the job. We moved to Pennsylvania with her mom we argued a lot. After that she always had trust issues with me so she was always going into my messages and logging into my Instagram. But I stopped I really wasn't doing anything. Then 3 years ago we got our own apartment together here in Virginia and everything was going smoothly until she got mad I was following girls I never really understood why I just was following random people but she always had this thing with my social media like she wanted complete control. Over time throughout our relationship She secretly went through my whole follow list and unfollowed every girl no matter if she was a long time friend or a cousin. It didn't matter to her and that would make me mad. Looking back at it now I wish I didn't get so mad because my reactions only made things way worse. I started to follow more people just to spite her. And after that one day we got into a heated argument because I went through her phone and saw she was entertaining someone. Some random dude, after I saw that I left for the first time for about a day. Then she begged me to come back so I did. When I came back I promised I wouldn't follow any more girls and I was doing good until two weeks later. My friend told me his girlfriend told him that my girl had been sleeping with someone who hangs around the apartments we live in. It really broke me. I was so mad I got up and moved out again this time longer and the time I was away I was seeing other people. Then she begged me back again threatening to do things to herself. I came back and we started over and it was good for awhile but those thoughts of what she did and what she could still be doing always would creep into my head. And then she got a job at this fed ex warehouse. And I'm thinking our life is perfect and happy. But one day I discovered she had been sleeping with one of her coworkers there. I read their messages and till this day I regret reading them. But I had also been doing something at the time behind her back because I hadn't forgiven her. So I made my self forgive her. And we tried again. It was all ok really Up until two months ago. When she just started hating me. Tearing me down any way she could. Then it all accumulated into what happened 7 or 8 days ago when I discovered she had been talking to some 40 year old man I left again and slept on my brother's couch for like 3 days and this time I begged her back I just couldn't lose her to him so I went and bought a ring (that was the only way she would take me back) I bought it and proposed. We were engaged for a good 3 days. But I noticed she was distant and she kept wanting to walk places despite having a car. So 3 days ago I looked out the window and I saw her hugging him with our engagement ring on. That broke me because at that moment I knew it was really over. Now I'm back at my brother's apartment sleeping on the couch which is right across the street from her. I don't even look that way or watch there anymore because she's moved him in there with my kids and it hurts so bad. My whole life is over. Everything I did revolved around the kids. Now I'm out and alone struggling to find a new life. I just wanna move far away. I been thinking about packing up and going to Alaska. I haven't eaten in 4 days. My mind will not stop racing. Any advice would be welcome. I need something..... I need a plan.....