Lost both parents by age 26
I’m going to be 29 in October and man.. it’s a lot. Daily. It all comes in waves. Mom passed after my dad, both were super traumatic as I watched them both die a slow death. So bad that I just could not go to my mom’s funeral, I was incredibly traumatized and still am. My dad was like swelled up and purple-ish green in his casket and I mean, growing up seeing him as this handsome super man marine with strong hands that help me and a healthy bronze face saying “hey mija” so lovingly, it really fucked me up. I know my mom’s spirit understands and will always understand. But anywho, I started dating my bf shortly after momma passed. Known each other since high school. That entire first year was good, hard but good, around the second year things just got bad with me. Fast forward, there’s just no healing in our relationship I guess. I think about the friendships I’ve lost along the way, I mean none of my friends came to my dad’s funeral so that speaks for itself but.. this is the first time I’ve actually shouted out into the void of this traumatic late twenty orphan identity bull, I see as I age how much it truly effects me. I mean I’ve even envied my bfs connection with his family, and how his mom doesn’t truly love me like how my mother did. I’m constantly jaded. I’m pretty bubbly and happy but man, at the end of many days I tend to be sad and angry. I’m lost. I dunno if I even want to be a mom now knowing my parents won’t be there, I feel alone. Thank God for my sister. I have an issue with feeling like the biggest pos for my grief and the way I can’t always be happy for others or for myself, bc a huge part of me is constantly remembering I’ll never have my two biggest supporters and protectors.