Any advice on not reaching out to a family member after learning that they are sick
I (38F) have a niece (35F) who was recently diagnosed with stage‑one cancer. She’s already receiving treatment and is on the path to recovery. I only found out through another family member, she didn’t contact me herself.
For context, my niece and I have been no contact for about five years. For years I supported her emotionally, practically, and even at times financially. I was always there for her, but I eventually realised I was being used. Whenever I've cut contact in the past she would come back saying “we’re family” and guilt‑tripping me into reconnecting. Every time I forgave her, something else would happen.
Five years ago, after a final incident, I told her I was done and going no contact. Since then, I’ve kept that boundary. I could list everything that led to this decision, but honestly the post would never end.
Now that she’s ill, some family members think I should reach out and offer support. I don’t agree. I don’t believe someone’s illness obligates me to reopen a relationship. If she were terminal or stage four, I would reach out with compassion. But she’s stage one, in treatment, and recovering.
If she were to message me directly, I would absolutely respond with kindness, something like, “I’m sorry to hear this, and I’ll keep you in my prayers.” But that would be the extent of it. I’m not willing to reopen communication beyond that.
My family says I’m being harsh. But my life has been peaceful, stable, and drama‑free since going no contact. I don’t want to invite chaos back in just because she’s unwell.
So, thoughts guys? Am i right in not reaching out?? Or am i being harsh. Thank you all for taking the time to read. Xxx