my girl is back but... she is pushing me away on the purpose to "protect me" and now i did something and she isn't replying
edit: me(16M) she (16F)
before i start maybe ik her not responding is not a BIGBIG she hating me issue or maybe it is idk i js want to know what i should do in this situation and moreover what can be done
ik what ive to do myself but ive never posted about this segment of my life anywhere so i need suggestions and lmk what i can do. i tired to keep it lowk but i think i made things obvious but here goes nothing...
starting w a bit of my past
we actually dated once before for about 4 months. the first two months were completely awesome—no bs, just lovely conversations, sweet messages, and constant reassurance that we loved each other and were there for each other. but her home situation is incredibly painful. she and her mom have crazy ass issues with each other, to the point where it affects her badly, leaves her depressed, and makes her act distant or ignorant. she even has a history of SH. she actually told me about the SH back then, though when we spoke a few days ago, she didn't even remember that she had opened up to me about it.
we had to be kinda lowk so our parents wouldn't get a t hint we were dating. we never even called each other on our regular phone numbers. though one night around 3 a.m., we were reading a book together over a call when her mom suddenly woke up and came into her room. she hung up immediately. i got so tensed because i predicted trouble based on a past experience with my first ex. later that morning, i found out her mom asked if she was really dating me, and my girl said no. after that night, we stopped calling late at night.
then, a bit later into the relationship, one day, she suddenly stopped replying to my texts early in the morning. the thought of her mom catching her was minutely in my mind, but i didn't think of it clearly at the time. i just spammed her sarcastically like we normally did whenever someone disappeared, texting things like "WHERE ARE YOUUU HELLOOO I MISS YOU☹️☹️ COME HERE ASAP😡".
suddenly, i received a call from her on my actual phone number. i was so fucking shocked that i didn't pick up. but then the phone rang again, and as i predicted, it was her mom. her mom told me all this heavy stuff about their family, my girlfriend's involvement in her past. she told me she would meet and talk to me in person after our exams were over, but that talk never happened. cause right after the exams were over she broke up w me idk why cause she never yold me i was removed from all of her social media and from ever place we ever talked on.
but after 6 months she req me back on ig and i thought she was finally back but nah i didn’t receive a single text from her NOT A SINGLE. so i just dropped a text from my end like why did she request me and she was like “i did it js like that😭” and then we continued talking randomly about things where me being the one majorly first texting and then we got in a good loop of texting where we talked on chats for hours but i realized it wasn’t special cause she lowk did that w majorly everyone (again this is what i assume and have noticed a bit) and then we suddenly stopped talking as i got scared when she approached me in school one day and my whole body froze when she said hello CAUSE maybe for her its all normal but i got real shocked and i said “hi” in a manner in which anyone could guess that they don’t want to talk BUT I DID i wanted to talk i js didn’t know what i was doing. she stopped dming me then on and me too eventually stopped double or triple texting her
after few more months she replied to my story and then i replied to her and then we didn’t talk much but all i know is that she didn’t do it with her own will a common friend of us made her do that cause he wanted us back together and at the end she made us both go on a call and talk and there i got to know that she thought i moved on and was fucking happy w my life LIKE GIRL WHAT THE DUCK FUCK????? you ghosted me majorly never replied properly and now i'm the one who's not in love and is ignoring you and is NONCHALAN no i was not that so then on idk what to call it but lets say we started dating again
it was going well we both agreed to take it slow this time and not rush into a relationship and then later after a few days she asked me why didn't i move on and i told her eventually ik it was early but idk man i don't know so i just told her the truth and then the next day i asked her what do you think about US and she said she has not thought about it much and that she would tell it to me the next day i was like DAMN
fast forward to yesterday, which brings us to the current situation.
we were talking about “us”—considering our past, present, and future. i told her, "don't focus much on future cuz that's something i think we don't have an answer to right now." but today, she completely hyper focused on the future part anyway. i didn’t say that she shouldn’t; i just stayed quiet and heard her out as she spoke.
she basically said she doesn't know what our future looks like, and because of that, she's intentionally keeping me at a distance and not talking to me properly. her logic is that she doesn't want me to get too attached or get my hopes up so i don't get hurt later. like... what?? how does it make sense to hurt me right now to "protect" me from getting hurt in the future?
after a bit of talking, i was so unable to understand the situation that i couldn’t actually say anything. because i was quiet, she thought i was confused and asked, "do you want to end things?" and i said no. then i asked her, “do you want to end things?” and she said no to it too. i was relieved, but then again, i think if i would’ve said yes, she would've just done it without any questions.
right after that, she started spiraling into this massive wave of self loathing. she was saying stuff like "how can anyone like me in any sort of way" and that she feels like she's the worst of the worst, ignorant, and completely unfit for any kind of relationship.
to make it all ten times worse, a huge, heated argument blew up over nothing while we were on a voice call. i stupidly mentioned to her that a while back, two random guys were saying some absolute shit about her. i explicitly told her, "i don't believe them, i don't agree with it, and i don't even like thinking about it."
but she got completely up my ass about it. she demanded to know exactly what they said. the entire reason i refused to tell her is because of everything i know about her past, her depression, and her home life. i knew that if i repeated those awful rumors, it would make her feel completely terrible, and i wanted to protect her from that. but because i wasn't comfortable telling her or anyone else, she threatened to hang up on me—and she actually did.
now i'm just stuck realizing that my plan backfired completely. i didn't tell her because i didn't want her to feel bad, but by keeping it a secret, she's furious and has completely stopped talking to me anyway. the outcome is exactly the same both ways. What should i fucking do?
i am just so lost. she's shutting down, refuses to communicate, and the fact that she is intentionally not talking to me properly right now is completely eating me alive. should i even text her anything at this point, or is this just done?
P.S: i wrote this 2 days ago and since then she has replied to my dms with 1 word replies and hasn't actually talked or replied to anything regarding me saying sorry that i couldn't tell her and later i asked if she's okay or not she said "yes" then i said take care and she said "what"
LOOK I KNOW I SHARED A BIT TOO MUCH AND IT HAS A POSIBILITY THAT SHE MIGHT FIND IT OUT i hope she doesn't so this is js a random acc that i have on which i'm posting not my main or my main alt