u/Infamous-Cash4488

Hi!

So, this is quite a long story, but i could really use some guidance on what to do in my situation. So, i dated this girl, lets call her Jen, for about 5 years. We met in college and dated until a few months ago, even moved in together. Its been a really difficult break up for me since Jen was mentally abusive and I have tried to grow and learn from it, which is part of the reason I am making this post.

Theres another girl, lets call her Alison. Alison became friends with Jen and I while we were dating, and when we all graduated college, Alison moved into a house pretty close to Jen and I's apartment. We became a little friend group, and would hangout alot as a trio. It sometimes felt like we were almost a throuple... lol. Anyways, I always appreciated Alison. She would notice the ways Jen was abusive to me, and seemed to always care about me. We had a lot alike, and I enjoyed her energy, especially since Jen's was so negative (since she was confused with her sexuality, i think). Anyways, we all became super close, and when the breakup with Jen and I got toxic, Alison chose my side. This really really hurt Jen, and it also hurt me, since I didnt wanna lose Jen as a friend, but it is what it is. She hates my guts now, and has me blocked on everything.

Anyways, now, Alison and I are best friends. We hang out everyday, and also hangout quite a bit with our friend that I will call Noelle. However, Alison and I just have a different energy compared to Noelle and I, and people notice it. Whenever we go out to bars, people ask if Alison and I are dating. I have slept in bed with Alison quite a few times, even though nothing has happened. We go out to eat alot, and spend alot of time going on adventures. It feels like we are dating, without the sex part. Thats where my brain gets fuzzy because I do not know what to do.

On one side, I think Alison is amazing, and I could really see us being together forever. We get along in so many amazing ways and I just dont want to lose her ever. It also feels like it would be weird if she suddenly got a boyfriend or something, like then things would be weird because we literally hang like we are dating, with the amount we hang and spend time with eachother. Her family loves me, and we both just have a lot in common.

On the other side, I am not fully healed from my ex, and I am enjoying living by myself. I started dating my ex to get over someone in the past, and I do not want to make that mistake again, EVER. In fact, I was going to move into an apartment with Alison, like we were looking for places to rent and such, and then I decided to live on my own after a few weeks of thinking about it and talking to my mom, because I didn't wanna be hurt if she started hooking up with other people and such.

So, im stuck. I really enjoy this person and I dont wanna lose her as a friend, because I feel like im at a weird part of my life where I am still healing from a 5 year long relationship and I dont want to have sex right now forreal, like I dont NEED that in my life right now, so I am just too tired/scared to make a move on Alison when my body rejects it, but on the other hand, I definitely have some feelings for her in some fashion, and my brain keeps telling me that she could be my partner for life, since we get along in soooo many ways, and she just makes me soooo happy. UGH. I really hope someone can give me some advice lol cuz I am STUCK

TL;DR: I got out of a toxic 5-year relationship a few months ago. During the relationship, my ex and I became super close friends with another girl, and after the breakup, she chose my side and we became best friends. Now we hang out almost every day, sleep in the same bed sometimes, go on adventures together, and everyone assumes we’re dating even though nothing physical has happened. I care about her deeply and could genuinely see a future with her, but I’m also still healing from my ex and scared of jumping into another relationship too quickly. I don’t want to lose her, but I also don’t know if I’m emotionally ready for more than friendship right now.