📜 The Ballad of Ashy McLostYourNote 📜: A Winco tail
A Most Tragic Tale from the Kingdom of Grocery
Hear ye, hear ye!
Gather round the bulk bins and the mighty cardboard baler, and listen well to the tale of…
Ashy McLostYourNote, First of His Name
Keeper of Mixed Signals, Lord of Cryptic Rizz, Loser of Maiden Numbers Not Once, But TWICE.
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In the fluorescent kingdom there lived a man of many talents.
He could drive the mighty forklift.
He could care for four cats.
He could raise a daughter.
He could survive military service.
Yet there existed one challenge that defeated him utterly…
THE MAIDEN’S NUMBER.
The fair maiden offered unto him her sacred parchment of communication.
And lo!
The number was lost.
The villagers proclaimed:
“A simple mistake! Surely our brave knight shall recover!”
BUT NAY.
For the Ashen One returned and declared:
“Then give it unto me again!”
The kingdom rejoiced!
At last, redemption!
At last, progress!
Yet when the sacred number was once more presented unto him…
HE FUMBLED THE BAG A SECOND TIME.
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The villagers cried:
“TAKE THE DAMN NUMBER, YOU FOOL!”
But Ashy McLostYourNote merely stared into the middle distance and spoke in riddles:
“I have much going on…”
“My dog is dying…”
“Do you still hate me?”
The scholars of Produce remain baffled to this very day.