u/Informal_Actuator280

pros and cons please 💔🥀

Should I join pict? What are some pros and cons other than smaller campus size and coding culture?

I (17M) don't even know what's wrong with me anymore.

Before she (17F) came along, I genuinely didn't think anyone would choose me first. Like I had just accepted that I wasn't the kind of person someone texts first, reaches out to first, notices first. And then she did. Out of nowhere she just texted first. And something about that completely broke something open in me because for the first time in a long time I felt like I was actually being seen by someone.

For the past 1.5 years she slowly became such a normal part of my life that I never realized how emotionally attached I had gotten until recently. We met online. We never even properly flirted or anything. It was just conversations, presence, random moments. Her existing in my everyday life somehow becoming one of the few things that felt constant.

And now school is over. College is starting. Everyone is moving toward different futures and I genuinely feel terrified all the time.

And I can't even properly explain how much it's all hitting at once right now. I didn't get into a good college. The one thing I was supposed to have figured out by now, I don't. And it's not just the college itself, it's what it feels like. Like everyone around me is stepping into the next version of their life and I'm just standing there watching it happen, feeling like I couldn't even get the basics right.

Because now I look at where she is and where I am and I just feel like I don't belong beside her anymore. She deserves someone who has things together. Someone who isn't feeling lost and helpless at the exact moment everything is supposed to be starting. That insecurity never fully went away, it just went quiet for a while. Now it's loud again.

I'm scared she'll move ahead. Scared she'll enter a completely new world and slowly stop needing me in her life the same way. Scared I'll become irrelevant one day while she grows into better things, better people, better experiences.

The worst part is I know I probably sound dramatic because technically nothing has even happened yet. She still talks to me. She still reassures me. She literally told me not to push her away. But my brain keeps spiraling anyway.

Nothing is working out for me and I've been crying to sleep for the last four days.

I think deep down I know this connection means way more to me than I ever admitted out loud.

Behind all the overthinking and acting normal, I think I'm honestly just a terrified kid trying really hard not to lose someone who accidentally became one of the most important people in his life during the hardest years of it. While also feeling like he's failing at everything else at the same time.

And I hate how deeply I feel things. But I do. And I don't know what to do with that.

my PCSME aggregate is coming out as 74.5% will it be considered in the 70-75% bracket or 75-80%?