u/Initial-Care-9738

I (F) had a friend (M) move in with me while he was looking for his own place to stay after he got a job in my state (FLORIDA- this context matters). We had a bad falling out and are no longer friends but he’s still living with me until the lease is up in a month.

This man showers at MOST once a week.. he rides a motorcycle, works out and will still not shower.. again, we live in FL it’s been in the high 80’s. I shower at least once a day at night, it helps me wind down and sometimes in the morning too, but I do understand not everyone is the same.

My question is, if you shower once a week or less, what is your reason? Besides mental health reasons (been there). Don’t you feel grimey? Especially after sweating all day… He has also said he will wear the same shirt all week…

His bathroom… don’t even get me started. I don’t think this dude has ever owned a toilet bowl brush before in his life. I mentioned the falling out because if we were still friends, i would 100% bring it up to him. He stinks. I haven’t spoken to him in 3 months so, this convo will NOT be the icebreaker 😂

I have posted a couple of times here and many of you have been so kind and helpful and really opened up my eyes to a lot of different things, so thank you. This is a long one so feel free to skip to TLDR :)

I have been dealing with sleep issues for almost 10 years, but no where near what some of you all suffer with. My heart sincerely goes out to you. For me, melatonin is one of the only thing that helps me, and it works 90% of the time, but my dose is so high it’s just sedating at this point so I’ve started my journey to get to the root of things and find a way off meds. My plan is to find a sleep aid to replace melatonin in the attempt to allow my body to start producing its own. After some trial and error the last few weeks, I’ve come to the conclusion I likely have hyperarousal insomnia. For anyone else dealing with this, here’s what I have tried: trazodone, hydroxyzine, mirtazapine, gabapentin, ambien, seroquel. All except gabapentin and ambien just made me feel tired, but not enough to calm my brain down. Gabapentin and ambien have helped but not consistently. Temazepam has worked in the past, but trying to avoid benzos. Next I am hoping to try DORA’s. I read something that was really insightful to help me understand what was likely going on in my brain:
Sleep system = builds pressure to fall asleep the longer you’re awake. Like filling a bathtub. When the bathtub is filled, you fall asleep.
Wake system = keeps you alert and awake.

My problem: sleep pressure is fine, I’m PLENTY tired. But my wake system won’t turn off. It’s like trying to sleep at a loud concert… exhausted but doesn’t matter if the music is still blasting. You can sedate all you want, but the bathtub is already full.

This lead me down some self discovery as to why this might be— a series of traumatic events over the last 13 years that have just built up over time. I’ve always felt “fine” like I just handled them and moved on… but it’s only because my CNS absorbed it. And I think that’s the root cause of the hyperarousal insomnia.

All of this in hopes that this is enlightening for someone else. I didn’t have the full knowledge behind different drugs affecting different receptors or different types of insomnia. I never cared to educate myself that much, I just accepted my fate. My question is: has anyone dealt with something similar and found relief in therapy for PTSD? Specifically EMDR or somatic? I am past the point of “sleep hygiene” as I know most 90% of us here are.

TLDR; has PTSD therapy helped anyone with hyperarousal insomnia, specifically EMDR or somatic therapy and allowed you to sleep drug free?

Together 3 years.. engaged for 2… discarded 6 months ago. My BP ex dated 2 different people in Nov and Dec. The person she met end of December quickly became her girlfriend and the “love of her life” (we were still living together through all of this). The first person was also the love of her life as well (🙄).

I just found out that they got married in March—less than 3 months after meeting. I can’t even say I’m shocked. She told me the last time she was manic she married someone less than a month after meeting them, but it was so traumatic for her that I thought she would have learned her lesson.

I know it won’t last and I know it’s par for the course, but it doesn’t hurt any less. I had a friend tell me today I dodged a bullet, and I’m sure many of you have heard the same, but have we dodged a bullet? It feels like we definitely got caught in the crossfire. Whether it was 1 year or one decade, it was still a part of your life that was affected. I don’t feel like I dodged a bullet at all. Feels like I got hit straight in the gut, and while she’s off living her best life, I’m still picking up the many shattered pieces of mine.

I’m just sad. I thought I was done dealing with the majority of this, but thinking about the person I was supposed to call my wife now getting that title with someone else hurts. Obviously in hindsight, I’m glad we didn’t get married, but like truly… what the fuck?

Has anyone tried magnesium L threonate and seen benefits that they DID NOT see from magnesium glycinate? My dr is trying to convince me to buy it and insists it works (I am on other prescription sleep aids as well), but nothing “natural” besides melatonin has made a dent. It’s only $30, but I’d rather not blow 30 bucks on another useless supplement. Just looking for anecdotal cases here..