lack of support, I think?
I am 30F just starting the process of uncovering what it will look like to be a smbc. I don’t have a desire to get married/have a partner but I do want a child. I haven’t always but I feel very settled now in my decision. I had my first appointment with a fertility clinic and I was excited to move forward over the next 3 years. Then I told my friends and family and I feel like the rug was ripped out from under me? Every conversation ends with something like “but if that’s what you want you should do it,” but it feels judgmental and insincere. I’ve gotten “parenting is hard enough why would you make it harder by intentionally doing it alone” more times than I can say. Now, I will say no one seems to have a judgment about being a smbc generally, it’s more so that they think having a child will be so hard that it will just be impossible for me to do by myself because I don’t have a traditional village as my family lives far and I have only a few close friends around (who don’t seem too inclined to help). I will mention the friend who has had the most negative things to say is currently struggling herself with the decision to have children so I wonder if some of her concerns are just projection.
My brother (no kids) is supportive but continues to say it’s just going to be so so difficult to do alone. My dad (kids- obviously) is very supportive and excited to be a grandpa but he will not get off of me about my finances as if he thinks I don’t know that I need a new job in order to afford a child. He also is frustrated with me that I’m upset to have to leave my current job in order to make more money to financially support a child. To him it’s more like you do what you have to do and you have to do this so don’t be upset about it & if you’re upset about it then you’ll hate the next job. Personally, I don’t think my feelings are wrong- I love my job, I don’t want to leave AND I know I have to and that is the decision I will make but I think it’s okay for me to feel sad about it. Anyway, I digress.
So all that said, now I’m doubting myself because I value what other people think and sometimes wonder myself if I have blind spots. I know that I want a baby (& all stages) so badly. I need to get a new job in order to afford it. I know it will be difficult to manage on my own without a large support system but I don’t think it’s a terrible, horrible decision. I don’t think I will be ruining my life or that having a smbc is going to mess up my kid (something a friend alluded to based on her own experience of having a single mom). I feel confident in what I want but I’m really sad that my people don’t seem that happy or excited? Maybe it’s my own projection onto them about my fears but I’m just really struggling with all of this.
FWIW my therapist of 5 years (child free by choice) is excited and happy for me and proud of my decision and thinks being a smbc is amazing but she’s also older than me and my friends (by 8 years) and has friends of her own who took the smbc path.
So I don’t know what I need but I’m just posting here because I don’t have another outlet. Thank you all for reading.