u/Initial-Objective619

Today I realized I have a problem.

I brought my friend a gift. Some things like beauty essentials and also a bag of Extra hot cheetos because she eats them a lot. I got myself a hershey bar to snack on and when I got in the car I suddenly had this urge to eat the chips. I put the chocolate bar in her gift bag and downed the bag of chips in 5 minutes. Now i’m sitting in regret and disgust almost. I couldn’t even control my desire to consume it. It’s quite scary. Any tips? I gained 25 pounds in a year and a half and spent the next 2 years trying to lose it. I don’t know how to stop.

I really wanted to get anyones perspective on this. Today my brother and I got into an argument. We are currently living with each other and I was having a conversation with him and he was ignoring me. After a minute or two he finally responded. I got angry and said “What” really angrily and that led us to argue. To give some backstory, my brother is my right hand. We rarely ever argue. But today I saw a side of him I never saw before. After 20 minutes we had a conversation and he mentioned he had built up anger since I moved in. He mentioned I tend to give this energy off that I think i’m better than everyone around me. He also mentioned I can be rude sometimes. I also mentioned my concerns and alhamdulillah we moved on. But this really affected me.

I feel like I have no one in my life that’ll tell it to me straight. I feel like everyone around me walks on tippy toes? I have no idea if that makes sense. I swear I don’t think i’m better than anyone. I have genuine intentions and I think it gets misinterpreted a lot. This also includes friends too. Sometimes I just want to lock myself up in a house and never interact with anyone. I feel like I have to be on my best behavior or people will act differently or misinterpret my actions. But when it comes to everyone else, I am constantly overlooking their mistakes. I feel like the black sheep in my family but also the glue because I make things happen. My siblings are on this wavelength that i’m not and it hurts. For example recently my sister ordered food on my account. I had asked a simple question if she used my card and everyone sorta ganged up on me. Again I felt like the odd one out.. I have no idea if this makes any sense. Another example was my friends and I were doing our hifd and I got frustrated because one of my friends kept stopping me because I was making mistakes. I wasn’t frustrated at her but at myself because I knew this so well. And so the last time it happened, I asked her what I said so I can write it down or remember it. One of my friends made an announcement to not ask what the mistake is because it can open a back and forth discussion. Again my intentions were being misconstrued. I find myself walking on egg shells. I don’t feel emotionally comfortable with anyone in my life.