My wife says I listen to respond instead of listening to her
My wife told me last night that she doesn't think I actually listen to her. My first reaction was basically, “What are you talking about? Of course I listen to you.”
Which, looking back, was probably exactly the wrong response. She wasn't saying I ignore her completely. She said that when she's telling me about something that's bothering her, I'm already thinking about what I'm going to say back. And I hate that she might be right. She gave me an example from earlier this week. She was telling me about a problem she was having at work and I apparently interrupted her twice to explain how I thought she should deal with it.
I genuinely don't remember doing that. That's probably part of the problem. She wasn't asking me to fix it. She just wanted to complain for five minutes. I told her I'd try to do better, but then she said, “You always say that when we're having this conversation.” That one got me. We didn't have some huge fight after that. We actually sat on the couch and talked for a while. I asked her what she wanted from me when she's venting, and apparently sometimes the answer is literally just “nothing, listen.” We've also been looking at marriage education resources because we're trying to get better at communicating before little things turn into bigger ones. But I'm curious about something.
For people who've been married a while, how did you actually learn to listen to your spouse without immediately trying to solve whatever they're telling you?
TL;DR: My wife says I listen to respond instead of actually listening, especially when she's venting. I don't want to keep having the same argument about it and would like practical advice on how to change the habit.