u/Initial_Scratch3185

Is this normal for Kitchener-Waterloo area or just me? Enova is the provider. I asked them and they told me a squirrel got caught in the power lines. Can't imagine a squirrel getting caught in the lines so regularly LOL.

I'm assuming it's due to an overload on the electricity grid when the ACs turn on in the morning.

Looking for a way out and break this soul sucking habit. Without getting too personal, it has been my fix for dealing with uncertainty. I have decreased consumption now because I have more responsibilities, but haven't yet fully kicked it. I can see very clearly that I keep doing myself a disservice by continuing this habit and unable to live to my full potential. We will be starting a family soon and I want to be fully present for my kid. I'm doing fine otherwise and for someone looking from the outside, my life looks picture perfect, and I would consider myself fairly successful in life and I hear it from others as well. But I know that I've been constantly underachieving my whole life and when there is a lull or some pain in life, I'm reaching out for my virtual painkillers. I don't even smoke or drink.

I have tried streaks, I've had multiple 40+ days streaks with no PMO, and several 15+ days streaks. During long streaks, it feels like I can achieve anything; the mental clarity, drive and the availability of time were some visible advantages I noticed. I have a tracker where I log each relapse and compare my stats to last month or last year. I've noticed that long streaks are usually during very busy or highly productive times of my life where I barely even think about PMO, but take that counterweight away, and BAM! porn is back in the picture.

At this point I just want to stop, because it is so intertwined with my routine that it doesn't even feel like I'm making a conscious choice to watch it, it almost feels automatic at times.

I would sometimes wish that I was at a point in life where I could just drop everything and volunteer a few months at a Buddhist monastery in Asia and clear my mind from all the stuff I've seen over the years and start over. But I want to learn how can I gain more control over this habit, it has so much control over my life. Please be kind with your comments, you don't know my full story, but I hope you see some of your old self in my post.