u/Initial_Total_7028

A month ago I broke up with my partner of 10 months. There were multiple reasons but a big one that I told them about was how often they made their mental health my problem, whether constantly needing emotional support without providing much in return, using it as an excuse for being rude or callous, or claiming any minor behaviour of mine that they disliked was making their mental health worse. By mental health I mean severe depression and anxiety often exacerbated by their autism and a chronic pain condition. Towards the end of the relationship, after much nagging from me, they got into therapy and are still in it, but it wasn't helping quick enough to save the relationship and I'm unsure how committed to any real change they actually are.

Despite us not working out romantically, I offered to stay friends and hoped that this might let us keep some of the good parts of our dynamic without me feeling so burdened. They seemed willing to work with me on this at first, especially since they don't have any other friends in their life. I set clear boundaries about what friendship would entail, they didn't seem happy about this but I trusted them to respect it.

Interactions since then are leaving me feeling like making that offer was a mistake. Every time we speak they take every opportunity to dump their mental health onto me again, claiming they stay up all night every night crying about the breakup and how I 'don't care about them'. One of the boundaries I set was saying we wouldn't cuddle anymore, and when I've asked what they actually want me to do to help they say they want to cuddle. It's just constant guilt tripping and argumentative behaviour and occasional open insults and hostility, and they wait until the last minute when I suggest maybe we should just stop interacting at all to apologise and say they still want me around and how important I am to them.

I just feel like I can't win, if I engage I get walked on and insulted and guilted, if I pull back I get accusations of abandoning and not caring and veiled suicidal threats, in either case they say it upsets them and I'm wrong. My pity has essentially run out, they have multiple mental health experts they're in contact with so I don't think I owe them any more support, and I wouldn't put up with this sort of treatment from any other friend.

It just feels kinda crappy because it now looks like I effectively need to go back on my offer and break off the friendship a month after breaking up with them and despite knowing I have every reason to, it still makes me feel like an asshole. Having seen their mental health up close I know that them committing suicide is a very real possibility, but there's nothing more I can do to prevent that without seriously tanking my own health, so as much as I obviously don't want that to happen I know it's not my fault if it does.