AITJ for telling my friends dad about her engaging in weed and alcohol?
soo for context I am 16f lets call my friend lily, she is 15f and ive been so worried about her smoking weed, doing edibles and drinking as a friend should. we've been friends for almost 4 years now and we were REALLY close in 8th grade and the beginning of freshman year. Towards the middle of Freshman year I left public school to start doing homeschooling mostly for mental health but also because I didn't wanna be influenced by all the vaping and weed. we went into highschool with pretty much just us and we both hadnt made any friends so of course when i left she was going to find other people to hang out with. Also let me add that she had been doing edibles for like a few months at this point but it was like once a month and very low doses. Of course people are naturally curious so i had taken some too but definitely not as much as her and i only did it within my home + my mom knew i was doing this, she wasnt fond of it but said as long as im safe about it and tell her then she doesnt mind. So when i left she found new people to hang out with and she slowly started to completely change like everything about her. Her style, things she liked, almost everything. she went for being into vtubers, anime and cute styles to like rock music, adult swim shows and completely changers her style to more of like alternative. i dont mind this, she can be who ever she wants i just found it surprising. while this change was happening she started drinking, at first it was just while playing video games but then it turned into something bigger and thats when i really started to worry. I felt like she slowly started losing herself. we slowly started talking less, both being busy with school and her with her new friends im sure. it was like that for a few months until we started hanging out a bit again. sophmore year rols arounf and she started mentioning this one friend of hers, lets call him jake. Jake is trans, f2m, and whenever me and lily would hang out, she would always be messaging him atleast a few times. eventually i got to meet jake and i thought he was pretty cool. lilys dad took us all to the mall and jake seemed like a chill person until we actually got to the mall. suddenly it was like I wasnt even there. i third wheeled the whole time and felt like shit. not to mention they were vaping in the mall bathrooms and stealing small things that were "to over priced for what they were". this was really just something i didnt wanna be around and by then i kinda had a bad feeling about jake, i never said anything tho to keep the peace and maybe make a friend. after this i finally had a conversation about feeling like a third wheel with lily and she apologized and said she didnt mean to make me feel that way and after awile of talking it over we got that out of the way. a few weeks later me and lily were hanging out, just me and her, and she way being just plain rude, like making rude jokes, calling me rude names, making snarky remarks, just being rude in general. i didnt say anything just because i find it hard to have a serious conversation with her. she always has an excuse for everything and a reason for why whatever shes doing is ok even if its not. not to long after that she ends up getting into legal troubl with alcohol. i wont get into to much detail but she was at the same local mall with a guys she barley knew from school, he stole vodka, she didnt realized how much she got and ended up black out drunk and started to wander the mall, eventually the cops got called and she was grounded for a ver long time from all over her electronics and got her phone taken away. eventually during spring break me and jake cam over, went to the mall and this time i didnt third wheel.
me and lily didnt hang out or talk much after that. like a month later i now have a car and license and i reached out to lily asking if she was free so we could hang out, she said jake was over but that i could come over if i wanted so i did. we started making plans to go to the mall and i was a little on edge about it because i cant have two firend in the car with me until im 18 in my state and this was a day after getting my license buuuuut i said fuck it. I didnt third wheel this time... as much, and they just stole the entire time, never said thanks for the ride or anything either. we get back to lilys house and had some fun doing some karaoke buuuut then they started making plans to STEAL ALCOHOL and they werent even talking to me, they were just sitting there talking to eachother, making plan to use my car THAT I JUST GOT ALONG WITH MY LICENSE THE DAY BEFORE. i spoke up and asked when I even agreed to that and that if you planned on using me and my car atleast talk to me too. Lily gave me this stupid excuse of "I was just talking to myself to plan it out IF we end up going." me and her have been friends for year and she knows im not good at saying no or being like, "i dont think this is a good idea" but i thought she got the point when i told her multiple times that it wasnt a good idea. i had brought food from a family dinner from earlier because me and jake planned on staying the night and right then and there they just started eating it without asking. i was tired and just feeling left out so i told them i wanted to just sleep. ive slept at her house before and usually would just sleep on the floor next to lilys bed. i laid down and asked if it was ok that i slept there, i already knew jake was sleeping somewhere else but i just wanted to make sure lily was fine with it expecting her to say yeah, she didnt she told me i was sleeping in the guest room across the hall while jake was still sleeping in her room somehwere else on the foor so i still could have easily just slept there next to her bed. btw, jake is gay and likes men + theyre taken so I know for a fact nothing fishy was going on. I already felt like shit so i started crying in the guest room. i called my bf and told him i felt used because they never said thankyou for the ride to the mall, i third wheeled pretty much the whole time, they stole my food infront of me then told me i was sleeping in a completely different room, so i left. it was like 1am and i drove home. i cried about it to my mom and didnt talk to lily for awhile after that again. i messaged jake told him i knew it was duchey of me to leave like that and later on had a convo about feeling used and like a third wheel with lily. my mom wasnt so fond of her after that especially because like i said, it was only a day after i got my car+ license. now that were back to the present let me just explain that me and my mom have a really good realationship, she was in an abusive relationship with someone who was my step father pretty much my who life and we were both being metally abused, we had a bumpy road since getting away from that but now were really doing better then ever and it made our mother daughter relationship much stronger, shes very chill with what im aloud to do and I never lie to her about stuff, i tell my mom everything, like things a normal teen wouldn't, for example, when lily first gave me an edible because you know people get curious, I did end up telling my mom because i could trust that she wasnt going to but upset or mad at me but rather have a conversation about how she felt about it. me and her have been through to much to be arguing about stupid stuff so our relationship is everything i could ask for from a mother. Now that thats out of the way, last week me and lily talked about how worried ive been about her drinking and doing weed. mind you through out this entire story, she has been getting drunk and high even after getting in trouble. so one day, last week, she messaged me asking to hang out, just us. of couse i said yess and we talking somemore stuff out, she told me went to the mall again and actually had a great time. she asked to hang out again the next day and i said yes ofc. i was honestly really suprized of how that day went since she wasnt being rude or anything and things felt just a little normal again. the next day i come over, we chill for a bit before she ends up calling jake... they started shit taking some girls at school and i didnt wanna be apart of it so i kinda just sat there while they talking on the phone, my mom had invited one of my friends to come over for dinner but she was busy so i brought lily and jake over instead, lily bought more food so we had enought for everyone and i made everyone dinner. heres the thing, on the way to my place they started making plans to get high and i told them not to take anything before going into my house because i knew my mom woulnt be on with that. we were almost at my place, im driving and jake hands lily like a quarter of a edible gummy after eating his own, i was so upset because i just told them not to do that and they did it anyways PLUS THEY DID IT IN MY CAR, if i were caught with edibles in my car it doesnt matter whos they are, im the one getting in trouble for it. we get inside, i start making dinner, they dont even hang out with me, i told them they were welcome in the kitchen while i was cooking and they were just in my room watching tv, which i didnt mind to much but even when i came in for small break while waiting for food to cook I WAS STILL THIRD WHEELING IN MY OWN HOME. After eating they wanted to go to a park to go smoke weed and at this point i really should have said no but idk, i want more friends and i wanted to spend time with my friend lily. my mom wanted to talk to lily before we left and lily ended up "promising" that she wasnt doing that stuff anymore, which i already said how i feel about lying to my mom but i wasnt to worried about it in that moment. when we go to my car jake started to mock my mom and make fun of her infront of me and its like, do you not see me right here...? but i didnt say anything again to keep the peace. we get to the park and i wasnt third wheeling to much until they started smoking, i didnt smoke because i knew i would be driving them home after and i dont smoke weed as it is. we were there for an hour and again was left out pretty much the whole time. not much happened after that until i got back home from dropping them off, my mom was very upset because she figured lily lied and she asked me if we really just went to the park or if we went to dring and get high, i first made it clear that i was clean and promised her i would never do that if i knew i had to drive, and i started crying because i didnt wanna lie to her for them but i didnt wanna rat out my friends, i she asked me what they did and i was just really stressed out and ratted them out anyways by saying "i dont wanna rat them out" like a dumbass. i went to my room balling and immediately called lily telling her wasnt gonna sit here and lie for her and that she needed to stop being so carless about her actions, when we had talked the first few times she told me the only reason she did all this bad stuff was because she can get away with it, just cause she wants to and can. i told her i thought that was dumb. anyways she ended up tell me that we should talk tomorrow because she was still high and couldn't think straight, so hung up. we never talked that next day.
a few days had passed and Ive just been really worried about her for a long time, its difficult to care about someone that cares about nothing. i thought about it for awhile and decided to make the decision to tell her dad, I'll paste the message here with filtered names👇
Hey this is (me), sorry for the random message but there’s some stuff going on with Lily that I think you should know about. Obviously you know she’s already been in trouble with alcohol but she’s definitely still finding ways to get some in her possession since break and going back to school. Over break, when me and Jake stayed the night I left mostly because they were trying to make plans to pretty much use me to steal alcohol since I’m the only one who can drive. I didn’t talk to her for a bit after that. Eventually I told her how I felt about it and I thought we cleared things up but when I invited her and Jake to come over for dinner I think Tuesday, they used me again to smoke weed and take edibles. Jake was the one who brought it. Since I left (My old public school) to do homeschooling I think she’s just been hanging around the wrong people and I just worry for her. We had a good thing for awhile and now I feel like it’s being ruined by an addiction. I’m very torn on being her friend still but I just don’t want her to know that I told you. I’m just really worried about her and felt that you need to know more of what’s going on. She was like my only good friend for awhile so I’m just upset that this is the kinda stuff she’s getting herself into and I know she would be very upset if she knew I told you.
For some reason lily gets her dads messages on her iPad... so ofc she saw that and lashed out on me, after a few minutes of calming down and lying to her dad so he would leave her alone about it, we called and i explained that i just worry for her, i explained how much i was sticking my leg out for both her and jake and felt like it wasn't appreciated at all, i explained how careless i felt she was being and he she wasn't thinking about how what she was doing was effecting out friendship. She surprisingly agreed and apologized for everything and told me how much she appreciated how much i cared about her. she wanted to get herself together more so we agreed to call a bit later. unfortunately this didnt happed and someone was more a upset about one little sentence i had sent within that message to lily's dad...
"Jake was the one who brought it."
i want to explain what i was thinking when i typed this specific sentence. My main concern was lily, clearly, I typed this out with the intent to tell him that lily was not the one who brought it or have any on her or with her or even in her possession at the time, jake this i did this to make him look like a bad influence.
jake and lily wanted to do a group call to talk about it, jake ofc why his name got brought up and lily because she just wanted things to get figured out so she more of what to think about the situation. i was hesitant because i wasn't going to be in a group call with someone just angerly yelling or being rude, lily said jake promised to stay calm and composed... guess what didnt happen ALL BECAUSE OF A SMALL MISUNDERSTANDING. so i tried to explain my reasoning but it wasnt the answer he wanted to hear, this is the funny part, he started talking about my mom, shes a school bus driver and the way that works is every year they get random routes for whatevers schools and she so happened to get the middle school that jake went to and lived through hell in aparentlly but "shes assosiated with the school so he already didnt like her from the get go". this entire call was the stupidist immature shit literally every. the only other unimportant important thing that happened during that call was that there was some girl at jakes that was listening to the call apparently and suddenly just started yelling at me, calling me dumb for telling her dad and calling ME a bad friend. i was literally sayingin a genuinely confused tone, and I quote
"who is talking right now..... who are you.....who are you.....i dont know who you are...."
all while this mystery girl was yelling at me over a situation shes not even apart of and finally i was fed up so once she stopped yelling i said, again, and i quote
"i dont want to talk to you because I dont know who you are and your not even apart of the conversation"
this whole conversation jake was being childish by making snarky remarks, laughing calling me dumb and a "tattle tail", and saying rude things under his breath even though i could hear it through the mic.
I cried after this call, just because Im usually very good at dealing with arguments, but when someone has nothing to really argue they become agressive instead of admiting theyre wrong.
Today i was out with a friend when lily sent me a message. I will show screenshots in a second post but, me and her aren't friends anymore unfortunatly because im tired of giving and caring about some who doesnt give back anything in return or care at all.