I don't resent him at all. He's a really amazing dude and she's the perfect girl and they will be a really great couple. But damn does it hurt.
Newton's third law of motion: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every winner, there must be a loser. For every happy ending, there must be an equally emotional sad one.
Just one look my way;
The pain leaves. A look away,
The pain; back again.
In the last few weeks I have gotten my driver's license. I got into a super prestigious summer program. I placed top 10% in the science category as an individual at nationals for quizbowl. I mastered the piano piece I was working on. I got recruited to a well paying tutoring gig.
I... Don't really care.
It's not burnout. I've felt that before, particularly right before this started. I don't know what this is. I don't have any joy at all. I can still feel instant pleasure but not happiness. I can still worry, and I worry more than ever. I can feel hopeless. I can feel ugly and lonely. I have literally no motivation to do anything. Paper due tommorow? Ok. I won't do it. Need to take care of my skin? I won't do that. Why? Why would I? Why would I do anything when I can lie down? And it hasn't come crashing down yet, so I keep going.
I feel kind of lost. Maybe it's my ever-shortening attention span finally getting to me. Maybe it's completely unrelated. I digress.
I don't know what to do. This feels weird, and I'm not scared yet, because I don't really feel scared anymore, but all of this is going to start impacting my life very very soon, very very negatively.