u/Inside-Invite1339

it's 12am. I woke up from a drunk nap. still unemployed. made a dumb choice that led me to get fired two months ago. still trying everyday to find smth. chugged 1/4 bottle of vodka and just sat at the side of my bed listening to music. I'm 21 and feel like I'm nothing. It's like I'm floating around everyday. My cousin just graduated from a top tier university and honestly I'm so proud but we're the same age and it made me realize that I've done nothing with myself . Had a tough time two years ago and never been the same since. I stopped skating, quit my hobbies, started hurting myself, fu****g anyone who wanted to f**k me, stopped taking care of myself and went from extroverted to super introverted. I started drinking every day since. I use blow every now and then and when I do I end up in a week bender. There's this girl that I really like. I'm not sure if she's serious about me but I’ve been talking to someone else too. she invited me to stay w her at an air bnb out of state, all exclusive blah blah and idk if I should. I don't wanna repeat patterns but I'm so easy it makes me feel like shit. All I want is instant gratification I can’t help myself. I really like this girl but i cant trust anyone, not even myself . I can't control myself. I don't feel like human. it’s probably the vodka talking . I know I'm the problem I just want to feel normal. chugged another 1/4 while typing . Gonna chug another after I post this. I’m sorry guys 🙁

it's 12am. I woke up from a drunk nap. still unemployed. made a dumb choice that led me to get fired two months ago. still trying everyday to find smth. chugged 1/4 bottle of vodka and just sat at the side of my bed listening to music. I'm 21 and feel like I'm nothing. It's like I'm floating around everyday. My cousin just graduated from a top tier university and honestly I'm so proud but we're the same age and it made me realize that I've done nothing with myself . Had a tough time two years ago and never been the same since. I stopped skating, quit my hobbies, started hurting myself, fu****g anyone who wanted to f**k me, stopped taking care of myself and went from extroverted to super introverted. I started drinking every day since. I use blow every now and then and when I do I end up in a week bender. There's this girl that I really like. I'm not sure if she's serious about me but I’ve been talking to someone else too. she invited me to stay w her at an air bnb out of state, all exclusive blah blah and idk if I should. I don't wanna repeat patterns but I'm so easy it makes me feel like shit. All I want is instant gratification I can’t help myself. I really like this girl but i cant trust anyone, not even myself . I can't control myself. I don't feel like human. it’s probably the vodka talking . I know I'm the problem I just want to feel normal.

drinking another 1/4 of the bottle as I post this

Got one on me