u/InsideLingonberry357

I am abrasive. I am a chef. I want you to feel better. Im gonna sell you straight. I mean well but I dont sugar coat very well.

Step 1. Stop snooping. Stop asking shit. You don't want to fucking know. Its half your damn problem.

Step 2. Stop bringing it up to your partner. They dont need to deal with your childish and insecure thoughts.

Step 3. Reframe your perspective.

Your perspective ENTIRELY belongs to you. Your partners past is only as relevant as a job you used to have, or a teacher you used to have. You have ascribed meaning to meaningless events. Sure, sex can be intimate, but it's not the end all be all. Your partner is not just a fucking fleshlight/Dildo on legs.

They're a whole human with a history YOU DONT HAVE TO AGREE WITH.

Step 4. Discern between a thought (infinite and natural) and thinking (a choice to ruminate on an individual thought) and overthinking (running it into the ground, making shit that isnt your problem, YOUR PROBLEM.)

who really gives a shit about what your partner did? Unless it gets brought up by them or someone else, it should have no bearing on your life.

You're lucky enough to find someone who loves you and youre wasting it by being jealous of their shitty ex? Or that one night stand they had?

What is that jealousy gonna bring you in life? Money? Fame? Fortune? A crazy sex life with your partner while you're drunk and anxious on the spiral of your own insecurities?

And I say all of this as someone who's struggled with this as a result of my own childishness as well as, as a result of being cheated on and betrayed.

Don't wait till they're gone before you value them.

Humanize them. Don't reduce them down to their sexual organs. We're all wired to pursue sex. That's why you want sex with them, after all.

Go make love with your partner, apologize for being dumb and digging into a place that wasn't meant for you, and work on yourselves.

Jeff billings' "the ultimate retroactive jealousy cure" and Joseph Nguyen's "Don't believe everything you think" has been monumental for me, as well as stoicism.

The past is not real

The future is not real.

All you have is here and now.

Don't waste it.

Im so tired of struggling emotionally. I have borderline personality disorder and consistently have issues regulating my emotions. I do okay enough at it but lately my home life has been crazy and chaotic, my work life has been downright dreadful and I am absolutely just over everything at this point in life right now.

I am not close with either of my parents and they can both eat shit as far as I'm concerned.

I have no friends really, aside from long term best friend and roommate, but he's not very emotionally intelligent so not quite a useful place to go.

I have a therapist but am trying to get out of debt so it's hard to navigate that.

I just feel so overwhelmed. If I talk about how I feel about work at work I get shut down. If I talk about how I feel about home at home it starts an argument with the wife (we both have bpd and she's doing therapy. I've been in therapy for years now)

Im just exhausted and I just wanna feel loved and supported. 2/7 nights this week I've cried myself to sleep