u/Inside_Giraffe1697

I will never regret having the opportunity to be home with my son for the first 6 years of his life. Never. I have seen every milestone, tear, laugh and everything in between.
I wish I would have looked inward at my marriage before leaving the workforce. Because I regret what I sacrificed for myself.

My husband& I's marriage has always been ok not great but I could live with it. We always had a low sex life together, living beyond our means, toxic fighting and honestly just winging life. It all changed when I had our son. I have come to realize that I have sacrificed so much for very little. My husband has a high pressure job that requires a lot of travel and makes good money but we are always struggling financially. We have basically no sex life, first it was my weight but now that I have lost 42 pounds it doesn't seem to matter. Alcohol has been an ever present problem for my husband. He drinks, it causes crippling anxiety & panic attacks. He sobers up for a bit and then starts the cycle over. The drinking has gotten so much worse over the last 2 years. He travels for work but does have some work from home days and I have now realized when he is sitting in his office he is drinking earlier and earlier in the day. Matter of fact 3 days this week alone I could tell by dinner he was drunk.

We had our first physical incident last year. He was drunk, didn't like what I was saying. It escalated and he shoved me while holding our son. Our son was screaming and crying, he pulled him out of my arms, my son was hitting him as hard as he could until he put him down. He was 4. My ENTIRE way of thinking about my husband shifted in that moment. I don't feel love or really anything at all. Because how dare you mother fucker. No marks or bruises thank god, but still. Once is enough.

I feel like an absolute failure. I haven't worked in 6 years, I never finished college (and going back isn't an option), we now live across the country from any sort of support system (I'm from FL currently in CO), and I just want out. I can't go back to work until my son starts kindergarten this August, because we can't afford daycare and I'm honestly 80% of the time since husband travels. I feel an immeasurable amount of shame of the position my choices have put me and my son in. I know not at all SAHM's have this experience but hopefully sharing mine helps one person. Thanks for reading. 🩵🦜

My husband has been struggling with drinking our entire relationship (over 11 years). It did not used to bother me until we had our son who is now 5. I am by no means sober, but I've definitely changed since the birth of our child.

Over the last year, my husband's drinking has now started to creep into his workday when he is not traveling for his job he will sit in his office and sneak alcohol from God knows what our until bedtime. The anxiety is drinking causes me is unreal. We had an incident last year where he shoved me after a day of drinking that had never happened before and it has not happened since.

I am at the point now that I am confused on what to do. When I suspect he is drinking even though he said he's cut back do I ask about it or do I just let it be? We recently moved to an area where we have no friends or family so it is really just me and I'm confused if I should tell his parents as well about what's been going on. He does not believe therapy will help him and is all but choosing to ignore his problem.

I am planning to go to my first meeting this weekend but in the meantime, just need some support. Thank you.