u/Inside_Succotash9686

Selamlar. Bir konuda tavsiyeye ihtiyacım var.
1.70 boyundayım. Ocak ayında 98 kiloydum, şu an 86 kiloyum. 2025 Haziran ayında bacağımda bir tümör çıkması durumunda bu süreçte aylarca neredeyse tamamen hareketsiz kaldım ve özellikle bacaklarım baya zayıfladı. Doktorum spor salonuna gitmemde sorun olmadığını söyledi ama bacaklarımı çok zorlamamam gerektiğini belirtti.
Ocaktan beri protein ağırlıklı beslendim. Genelde et yedim, bazen pilav/bulgur tarzı şeyler de tükettim. Haftasonları da orman yürüyüşü ve dağ yürüyüşleri yaptım.
Sorunum şu, egzersiz yaparken çok zorlanmıyormuşum gibi geliyor ama sonrası baya kötü oluyor. Mesela sadece 20 squat yaptıktan sonra 2 gün düzgün yürüyemedim.
Spora başlamak istiyorum ama, nasıl başlamam gerektiğini bilmiyorum
Ne kadar yüklenmem gerektiğini bilmiyorum
Kondisyonum çok düştüğü için yanlış yapıp boşuna uğraşmaktan korkuyorum
Haziranda ayrıca denizi, spor salonu, havuz, sauna vb. olan bir thermal otele gideceğim. Oradaki imkanlardan nasıl faydalanabileceğim konusunda da öneri almak isterim.
Benzer durum yaşayan veya tavsiye verebilecek varsa çok sevinirim.

A long time ago we used to live in the same apartment complex. My sister would always go outside and hang out with her friends, but I never did. I actually hated most of them, especially this girl, let’s call her X. I thought she was annoying, unfunny, and honestly kind of irritating. We moved away from that place around 3–4 years ago.
Then about two years ago, I started going back there with my sister sometimes. At the time I was doing this stupid water diet to lose weight, and taking the bus there gave me an excuse to get out more. Wed hang around with X and the others. I didn’t really do much because I was the only guy there. I mostly just followed them around and stayed quiet.
One day we were sitting under X’s apartment building and I overheard them talking about selfharm. I looked confused apparently, because my sister asked me “wait, you didnt know?” I said no. She looked at X and asked if she should tell me, and X said yes. That’s when I found out she cut herself, and I saw the scars.
At that age I was at peak teenage edginess, and for some reason I found selfharm scars weirdly attractive. I never did it myself, never wanted to, and honestly I was scared of it. But there was something about it that pulled me in. When I found out X did it too, it genuinely felt like butterflies in my stomach.
X had a rough life. Since she was born, her family barely cared about her. She never really had toys or attention growing up because all the focus was on her two older sisters. In 4th grade one of her sisters started physically abusing her for no clear reason. She got bullied at school too and would bang her head against walls. Eventually she started doing judo, but even then she never really defended herself.
She later became friends with this other girl, let’s call her Y, and also with my sister. Naturally, X was kind of mentally unstable. Extremely jealous, attention seeking, possessive, and honestly annoying sometimes. She hated sharing people with others, including me. But somehow I still fell for her.
At the time I already had a girlfriend, and I’d even talk to her about X sometimes. Obviously she didn’t like hearing that I went to X’s house or spent time with her, so she told me I shouldn’t be friends with her anymore. I listened, but no matter what, X never left my mind.
Eventually I broke up with my girlfriend because of some immature and unreasonable stuff between us. After that I started getting closer to X again. We realized we liked the same music, had similar mannerisms, and even wanted to visit the same places someday. She still annoyed me constantly, but I loved her anyway.
She was always trying to show us judo moves. Shed constantly tell us to hit her or use her like a punching bag, almost like she wanted people to hurt her. Shed point somewhere on her body and go “hit me here.” She hit us back too, but she especially wanted us to hit her. I never did. She also loved American football roughly.
One time after fighting with her mom, she cut herself with a fruit knife.
At some point I admitted to my sister that I liked X. My sister already knew I had distanced myself because of my girlfriend, and one day she asked X, “If he liked you, would you like him back?” X answered something like, “Yeah… he treated his girlfriend really well.”
After that there was this small amount of affection between us, but it didnt really go anywhere. She was extremely shy. Whenever I tried getting closer, shed avoid me, and suddenly we became distant again. Which hurt even more because every time I saw her, she somehow looked even prettier to me.
Then one day she texted me "I don’t want to be with you.”
That destroyed me.
And honestly, I know part of it was my fault too. Deep down, my mindset was always kind of messed up. I used to think "Nobody will care about her because of her scars, but I will.” I guess I wanted to save her in some way.
Later I tried finding out why she rejected me. My sister made me promise not to start any drama before telling me the truth.
Back then I was deep in my cringe teenager phase. I reposted edgy stuff online and acted like a poser metalhead. Apparently Y had feelings for me, but I never felt anything for her. After Y found out I liked X, she got angry at me. One day she told X something like “He could hurt you physically. Stay away from him”
When I heard that, I was furious. But there was nothing I could really do.
Now X is doing even worse. She has no friends anymore and apparently barely leaves the house. She probably forgot about me completely.
But Im still hopelessly in love with her.
Whenever I see someone who reminds me of her, I genuinely feel sick. My chest tightens, my breathing speeds up, and I feel like I’m going to collapse.
I miss her so much.