This is misery
Broke my ankle and tore 3 ligaments back in May. Had surgery on June 10th and its been thr worst experience ever. Ive been to the ER 3 times, twice from developing a blood clot and once because the knee scooter got stuck and sent me flying on a trip to the bathroom. The bedroom and shower is upstairs in my house so ive spent the past month sleeping on an ikea couch. Due to the blood clots I have had to have my cast removed and then replaced removed and then replaced. I cant use ice therapy to regulate the pain because of blood clots. For while i was taking dilaudid every 3 hours to manage the pain from the blood clot and the surgery. So every night was 3 hours meds with a 1 or 2 hour break of taking anti-coagulates and THEN a uti so antibiotics.
I have been crying nonstop. Between crying its been trying to distract myself by watching loveisland or crocheting but most of the day I just end up staring at the ceiling crying. I finally have started to feel more normal because I haven't really been eating and have used THC as a method to help me feel hungry or sleepy. I started using my Vape again once I finally got from dilaudid to oxycodone to regular Tylenol and barely after a day felt a sharp pain where my blood clot was and found out that you actually can't use THC on blood thinners. This feels like such a silly breaking point because like... it's weed but its just everything. Every tactic to try and regulate my feelings like making a list of small achievements to focus on while healing just feels more and more impossible. I'm supposed to be getting my cast officially off on Tuesday but I cant even feel relief or excitement because I just feel dread and sadness all the time because I know im still going to be stuck in the same position on the same couch in the same room staring at the same ceiling and I feel just super sad all the time.