u/Intelligent-Film9009

I (22F) have been on dialysis for 4 years now I do hemodialysis and I have a fistula in my left arm, and I don’t really talk about how much it’s affected me, but lately it’s been weighing on me a lot. I feel like it’s changed the way I see myself in ways I don’t always know how to explain. It’s always just something yk? Either the treatments or the schedule or how my hair falls out all the time no matter what I do, or that I’m always in pain no matter what I do or where I go and I can never just fully be present and enjoy myself without something hurting, or how for 3 years straight I couldn’t bathe properly because I had a CVC and it lowkey changed my perception about myself and how I view lot of things, I never feel comfortable in my body anymore because my weight is always fluctuating and my hair falls out like crazy that shit makes me so insecure just because I before Dialysis my hair was so thick and nice and then I started Dialysis and it just it was so bad in the beginning I was going fucking bald, and it’s definitely going better overtime but it’s just like anytime I brush my hair or I run my fingers through it. There’s gonna be like Hella hair falling out like I feel like a cat. I feel like I’m shedding all the time. And TMI as fuck, but you know what when you’re in this type of situation in this medical situation there is no TMI. I can’t shit like I’m always constipated as fuck. I can never do anything about it like no matter what I do and it hurts every single time MiraLAX is my best damn friend but half the time she don’t even work either, and none of my friends understand because all of them are just regular normal people with regular working kidneys so they could never possibly understand what I go through and I tried to talk to them about it, but it doesn’t matter nobody gets it, nobody understands. I can’t seriously have a sit down conversation with someone and them understand what I’m going through. I’m asleep all the fucking time when I go out places with my boyfriend or even if I do go someplace with my friend, I wanna leave 10 minutes after “wanna go on a walk?” “Fuck that I’m staying in the damn car” like I can’t do anything I feel so stunted I feel like my growth is stunted I’m 22. I should be driving. I should have a car and I can’t because I have had too many seizures that the DMV said I’m unfit to drive so I can’t drive. I can’t have a car I had to drop out of high school when my medical situation and everything first started flaring up and my kidney transplant was failing and then I later started Dialysis so I had to drop out of high school (though I did get my GED and I am actually super proud of myself) like I’m tired as fuck all the time I feel like a failure all the time like I just feel like a fucking failure. I want to start college, but I just don’t have enough mental health and energy, I just feel like I’m always sleeping or I’m at Dialysis or high as fuck. I have to smoke Hella fucking weed. I’m like a major pothead just to get some fucking energy so I’m high as fuck all the damn time and that’s bad on its own with that too, but I just don’t know like I just don’t know what to do, like I need friends that are on dialysis and in my age range or something like do. I know I’m being Hella blunt yall but I’m sorry I have to be and I guess I just needed a place to put that into words

I (23F) don’t even know if I’m overreacting or if this would actually bother other people too, but I’m honestly at my limit and starting to feel really overwhelmed in my own home.
I live with other people and over time I’ve started to feel really disrespected in the space. I’m usually the one cleaning or trying to keep things in order, and it feels like it gets messy again almost immediately after. Not in a “people are living here” way, but in a “I’m living with animals” type of way literally everything gets trashed again immediately after. I’ll deep clean the kitchen and 20 minutes will go by I’ll leave my room and all the dishes I had just done more than half are all back in the sink, the stove will be covered in oil and food and pots and pans and it’s just honestly super frustrating it feels like no one has any sense of respect for me or what I do to help at all. On top of that, my personal things keep getting messed with, my towels end up on the floor, get used and left places, or just aren’t taken care of. Anything I keep in our SHARED bathroom gets used or taken or thrown away or just trashed in general. Some of my kitchen stuff (like silverware, cups, bowls and dishes) has gone missing or been thrown away without me knowing. It’s happened multiple times now, not just once or twice, and I feel like I’m constantly replacing or fixing things that aren’t being respected.I’ve tried to let it go and not take it personally, but it’s building up a lot. I feel really on edge in my own home like I can’t fully relax because something is always going to be out of place, missing, or messed up again.
In the beginning it was just me and my original roommate and things were honestly fine. It felt like we were on the same page and the ouse was manageable. But over time she started having more people move in and around the space, and it slowly stopped feeling like a shared home and started feeling like I was just living in her space plus whoever else she had over.
Now it doesn’t even feel like I’m dealing with one roommate anymore it feels like I’m dealing with multiple people and constant rotation of whoever is in the house. And the level of disrespect and chaos has honestly just escalated over time to the point where I feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable in my own home.There have been multiple times I’ve tried to bring it up, and I usually get an apology and “that’s not how I want you to feel,” but nothing actually changes long-term. It gets better for a week or two and then goes right back to the same pattern. I’d also like to note that my roommate is my ‘best friend’ tho lately it just doesn’t feel that way at all anymore,with the constant disrespect from her as well as her people she’s moved in it’s like I’m just someone that helps pay rent and that’s it and all it ever was.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
Am I overreacting?

*Edit*
A little more context because a lot of people are saying “move out”
I genuinely wish it were that simple. I’m on dialysis, so my life revolves around treatment, appointments, and my health. Because of that, I have limitations that make living completely independently a lot more complicated than it would be for most people.Financially, I also can’t just pack up and leave. I pay my share of the rent and bills, but finding another place that’s affordable and works with my medical needs isn’t something I can do on a whim. If moving were a realistic option right now, I would seriously consider it, but it isn’t. I’m also not expecting anyone to keep the house spotless. I just want the same respect that I try to give everyone else. I clean up after myself, I’ve deep cleaned shared spaces multiple times, and I genuinely try to be considerate because we all live here. All I’m asking is for that same level of respect in return. To me, respecting the people you live with means cleaning up after yourself and helping maintain the shared spaces instead of expecting someone else to eventually deal with it. That’s why I’m trying to solve the problem instead of just leaving. I’m looking for advice on how to get everyone on the same page because, for now, this is the situation I’m in.