u/Intelligent-Quit506

First off I’m not even sure how to word the title what I’m trying to say is when it comes down to sex , she rarely does anything to me but when it comes down to me doing things to her she’s okay. I honestly don’t know how to word it so I hope you can understand 😭

Now , a bit of background. Me and my gf have been together for three years now , I’m her first girlfriend where as I’ve had past relationships. I’m not sure if this is of any importance but I was out way before her , I came out at like 14 where as she didn’t come out until 16 and she came out because me and her got together. And also I’m more masc presenting.

Anyways , I’m just going to get to the point. From the start really in the bedroom it has always been I’ve always been the one giving the pleasure where as I very rarely receive it. It does upset me a little bit because each time I try and initiate it for me I either get straight up rejected , an excuse made “I’m tired” “I don’t feel well” etc or she like gets me all riled up all day if you get what I mean and then like nothing happens. Where as when it comes down to her like shes completely fine and up for it.

I understand lust wears off after so long , life gets in the way but it goes on for months and then I’ll get it and then I won’t get it for another like 2/3 months. I don’t know whether maybe it’s because I’m more masc presenting or she just doesn’t like giving it or something. I’ve tried talking to her and asking if there’s a reason why she doesn’t do it much to me and stuff , but I just always get the same “I’ve not been very well , I’ve been tired , my feet have been killing me from work” another excuse is “I offered you said no”.

That last comment is my other issue , I work night shifts at my job sometimes I’m in till 12pm and sometimes 6am so I get up way later than her and she gets up early at like 8/9 am. She wakes me up to try and have sex with me and each time I’ve told her like I’m exhausted , most night I don’t sleep till about 3/4 am as the time I get back coming in having a bath eating food , washing my uniform etc. I asked her if she could stop waking me up to initiate it as Im exhausted from work and maybe we could do it later in the day / night or a day I’m off from work. She didn’t really listen and was still waking me up super early and when I say no , she hits me with the line. It feels like she does it knowing I’ll say no so she can say she tried and my point then seems hypocritical when I ask her about our sex life.

I know a relationship isn’t just about sex , but as much as people say sex isn’t important in my opinion it is especially psychologically. I know this is me probably overthinking and just being stupid but I feel like it’s because of me , ive let myself go a little bit I’ve put on some weight , I stopped pampering myself as much since I lost my grandad. I just feel like it’s just completely one sided and she doesn’t find me attractive anymore. Has anyone got any idea how maybe I could talk to her better about it and maybe try and try and figure out the problem.

Thank you for reading and I hope this makes sense.

For context , me and my gf 18 and 19 have been together 3 years. We live together etc.

Sunday afternoon , we had an argument the Saturday and we went to sleep angry at each other. I woke up around 2pm due to me doing nightshifts and my girlfriend did not speak to me up until about half three , half an hour before my shift. The first words she said was “I don’t think this is going to work” , I was like what why and we argued again. I went to work and we was still arguing over texts so I left work early gathered my clothes , my grandads ashes , my documents , personal care items etc and left all my other things I basically took the bare minimum. I went to my uncles , and she’s now mad at me that I left , I abandoned her , I gave up , walked away etc.

I tried telling her I left because she lost faith in our relationship , that sentence to me was her losing hope. I said to her I’d like to have a break for while , maybe a month or so. She took that as a break up , I explained to her I wanted to have a break from living together until she can work on her feelings towards a situation with my family. I won’t disclose it.

It’s like she won’t believe that I left because she said it isn’t going to work , to me that was an opening for a break up. She said she was just scared and she needed me there and i understand but the way she went around it was just wow what the hell.

I just don’t know if I’m in the wrong for leaving , she’s acting like I left for nothing.

A lot of comments have mentioned she was voicing fear , she needed reassurance etc. I have tried to reassure her , I’ve been the one relatively telling her “we can make it work” , “I’m not going to end it because of my family” etc. I’ve told her it’s okay to be scared , I’ve listened to her etc. I know she needed reassurance and other things I tried to give them to her and then she turned around and dropped the bomb on me “ I don’t think this is going to work”. I left because number one , I was hurt. Number two to me it seemed like she was reaching for a break up and number three I needed space. I’ve told her it’s not a break up , I’ve left majority of my belongings there things and I’ve repeated it’s a break not a break up a million times and that I still love her the relationship just needed a break.

Thank you

Hi all , I’m just going to cut to the chase. A few months ago me and my mom had an argument as she found some messages between me , my sister and my girlfriend talking about stuff my mom had done , and her boyfriend’s family. She restricted all contact between me and my siblings , today she’s finally allowing me to see them however not my girlfriend.

For context , my mom and her partner have been together for nearly a year , my mom and my siblings moved into her boyfriend’s house as my grandad died. My mom has always been the angry , verbal and physically abusive type , she agrees with hitting her children as punishment smashing their things etc. Her boyfriend’s family are the same , especially her boyfriends dad , my sister and brother was telling me and my girlfriend that he had been slapping my 10 year old brother around the head and stuff and shouting at him for even coming down stairs to go to the toilet and then going back upstairs. This I didn’t agree with as one he’s not my brothers dad , grandad nothing. When me and my girlfriend found out he had passed I’ll admit I was pretty careless I didn’t care about the man I disliked him and so did my girlfriend for how he was treating my little brother and how rude he was. After a while my sister and my girlfriend was talking about it and apparently my girlfriend was mocking it according to my mom. Which okay if she has I can see how his family would be upset and yes it’s disrespectful. Of course we never said any of this to the family about the passing , it was just messages between my sister and us that my sister was suppose to clear.

Another message from my girlfriend to my sister was on about my moms boyfriends daughter. I’ve met her and she is so rude , and ungrateful and she has to be told to say thank you at the age of 7. My sister was telling my girlfriend about how my moms bfs kid was giving her dirty looks , calling her ugly and stuff and me and my girlfriend was mocking it and I called the kid a “skittle head” and my gf said as a joke let’s hire a hitman. Which my mom knows my girlfriend can barely book a doctors appointment let alone hire a damn hit man. Again I’m going to stick up for my sister because that’s my sister I understand “siblings fight” but my sister is super insecure and her being called ugly I had her crying to me on the phone. So we did get overprotective especially me.

My mom is now saying she doesn’t want to talk to my girlfriend and she’s not having communication with my siblings , which that’s not the problem here my girlfriend accepts that and so do i, it’s my moms boundary , my moms choice. The problem is my moms now saying that when she sees my gf even in the street or at her work place she is going to slap her one , belt her etc.

I understand my mom is fuming , and whoever else is but they are all acting so high and mighty especially my mom , my mom was literally chatting crap about her boyfriends child and somehow now my mom is deeply offended by someone else talking about that same child???

I get that my mom won’t forgive my girlfriend, but I can’t just walk away from her. People do bad crap all the time evil things , every single person has a dark side to them whether they admit it or not. I love my girlfriend , she knows she was wrong and she’s willing to respect my mom’s boundaries and stay away. Should I end the relationship as I feel I’m going to be put in the middle , as my moms gonna be talking bad abt my gf and I can’t defend her because my mom will take my siblings again. I don’t want my gf to be petrified to walk to work incase my mom is in the same area, I can understand let’s say if she started stalking my mom , harassing her etc okay but if she sees her on a street she’s going to just lamp her one?? i understand my girlfriend has done wrong but her being kicked from my family and never seeing my brother and sister again who she adored is the biggest punishment there is and she doesn’t deserve to be absolutely tormented and abused by my mom regardless of what she has done when she’s already been punished and the punishment is going to last indefinitely. I’m obviously going to be biased towards my girlfriend , however I try and see things through logically. Why be punished multiple times for something , that’s like a person doing a prison sentence for let’s say drunk driving but then they get another sentence and then another one when they’ve already had their punishment it’s not fair.

Thanks for reading and sorry if this doesn’t make sense !