my first "more than a crush" rejected me. What should i do?
so I am a highschooler and last october i met this girl who is a year younger than me. At first I didn't really like her or think much of her but after a month i started liking her. After a few weeks of talking, I found out that she was talking to one of my friends, so I waited it out a bit. Then, after I found out they stopped talking, I started talking to her more again, and we got close. Fast forward to february, I find out that she was talking to another one of my friends, so again, I waited it out. At this point, I was extremely sad and my feelings still stayed and they even managed to get stronger because she was still talking to me but I knew she had feelings for my friend.
once she went on vacation and I was crying almost every night because I was so attached to her and i was sad and almost didn't celebrate my birthday because of that.
I don't know if this is a first love or just a very intense crush but i genuinely could not lust over her (I didnt have the intention to anyways), it seemed so so so pure and every time i walked in a classroom and saw her, I would smile automatically. Once, she sent me a message and I was blushing so hard that my cheeks started hurting. Looking back, we spent a lot of time talking to eachother, at one point, i think we sent 60,000 messages on instagram in less than a month (we were like best best friends). We did everything together and she made so many "first memories" with me.
Now, summer break, I find out that she stopped liking my friend, and we also got a lot closer. However, I was scared that she would like someone else so I told myself "going into next school year, I have to date her so I can have peace of mind while I do the IB program." So, I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend.
She said no (she said she wasn't going to date in highschool but she also mentioned that she had no feelings for me and she saw me as a friend the whole time, which i kind of see now)
I still want to be her friend because i want her to be in my life but i feel like I would genuinely die if i saw her with another guy.
What should I do?? I still really like her but im just really confused right now.
Is this even a first love or am i just crazy??