u/Interested-squirrel

I apologise if this is not ok to post and I will of course remove if there is any offence caused but if anyone could give advice or experience on my situation it would be greatly appreciated.

Currently 12 weeks pregnant and suffering really badly with my mental health. I previously have always been an anxious person however since becoming pregnant just feel so incredibly depressed. I’m hardly functioning. I’m working from home and take my 3yo son to nursery but apart from that don’t leave the house. Sickness has been bad (feeling but not being), however it’s like a constant feeling in my head of motion sickness. I’m usually very active and sporty however this has all had to stop.

Husband has been supportive physically (more childcare, housework etc, however just keeps telling me how I’m feeling is normal and it’ll get better. I keep saying I want to end the pregnancy due to my mental health (probably for the past month) however he has said he will end our relationship and I will have to move out (he owns our house) if I do.

Background. We were both on the same page re a second child, however have had 3 early losses in the last couple of years. I then told him I wanted a break and to pause, but he didn’t want to. I went along with some level of baby chat as I don’t want to lose him, however had been consistent with condom use. He started to make comments about the condom use and started stopping foreplay when I mentioned using one. I eventually caved one night as I wanted him to want me (stupid I know but our relationship has been pretty hot on the him withdrawing affection as a punishment over the years). I said the next day I wanted to get an emergency coil but he said words to the effect of if I get it he’ll reconsider our relationship. I know I’m so foolish to not have tried to get it.

I’m now stuck between a rock and a hard place. I love my life and family unit and home and I don’t want to lose this, but I know deep down I don’t think. I can cope. I’ve always wanted a second child but I don’t think I can get through this. I feel like a failure. I’m snappy with everyone, totally miserable and isolated. My mood is the worst it’s ever been and I worry about how bad it could get. I’m worried I’ll get to the point that I can’t look after the child I do have.

Any advice or experiences greatly appreciated.

When I had my son I mentioned to the health visitor that my hubby hadn’t been the most supportive or kind. Things were definitely misinterpreted and they reported to social services for concerns surrounding domestic abuse (emotional). They conducted an assessment and no further action was taken. Following this I presented to a termination clinic (3 months ago) and mentioned some concerns surrounding struggling to use contraception and my hubby not wanting me to terminate. I then didn’t go ahead with this provider and went to a different one. They counted my cancellation as a safeguarding concern and referred to adult social care. They called me a few times to check in - I said I was fine. They wanted evidence of the termination due to I’m assuming concerns for the child. I just want to clarify, although things have been hard with partner and he did not want a termination, he is not an abusive and has never coerced me. Since this I have now become pregnant again - does this automatically mean that social services will want involvement? I feel in a much healthier place in my relationship and we are very supportive towards each other. I’m terrified of what might happen, purely due to the stress of it last time and it taking away from my newborn experience. Any guidance very much welcomed!!