u/Interesting-Emu7624

I don’t want to relapse but also kinda want to at the same time. It’s been 2 yrs though. That’s a long time to just throw away.
I have chronic illnesses so bad I got fired from my job cause I can barely drag myself out of my house. Chronic pain in every cell of my body literally continuous agony.
And I know sh sounds dumb when I have chronic pain but they’re two very separate things somehow.
I’m trying to find a remote job but no luck yet and I can’t live off unemployment for long.
Everything is stressful and I have ptsd that is worse cause of ALL the memories are coming to the surface cause getting everything about me together for getting a job brings up a lot of triggers related to ptsd.
I guess this is a vent. It’s been 2 yrs and I still can’t get rid of my blades.
I shouldn’t relapse I know that.
I’m just stressed out and I don’t know how to fix it even tho I go to therapy and use coping mechanisms and am on meds.

I’ve made progress over the past few years but this is really pushing it I’m super depressed too.

I’ll probably just not sh since I am too depressed to put the effort in. Or maybe I’ll relapse. Who knows a

I can’t get past it. I can’t work through what happened. I’ve done SO much inpatient, IOPs, therapy, coping skills I could recite in my sleep at this point. Even one word that reminds me makes my chest burn and feel like a knife is stabbing me.

I feel like having borderline is making it worse.
My emotions are wild and I just want to crawl under a rock some days and hide from the world.
I’m only 28f and I have such severe chronic pain that every cell in my body feels like it’s on fire and that makes everything worse too. Gastroparesis is also along for the ride 😭

I love my therapist but she isn’t certified to do EMDR and I need to find a therapist who does EMDR and just see both of them.

Does anyone else have borderline along with ptsd? It just all feels impossible. I know I’ve made progress over the past few years but it still hurts like h*ll and affects every day of my life.

If you have anything that’s uniquely helpful or just supportive I would appreciate it so much ♡