u/InterestingWay3561

We been married 3 years
She has abused intimacy as a weapon in past (for context of control which is coming)

So she is stay at home person (no kids, no pets) even though I do not agree she claims she can’t get any job in NYC

She brings up finance that she does not know how much money we have

Since beginning I told her we can have joint account and I can put same money as she would and she could have control to that account fully and we can share that for savings

Wife has easy access to all essential money (2k in food account) 5 times more cash access. All bills are paid by me( 2 to 3 vacations , grocery, bills, rent)

The reason for me not sharing details because she has no motivation to hustle or gain financial independence (she wants to work 40 hrs minimum wage and nothing extra as it is not her idea) and I grind my self minimally 60 hrs per week so we do not agree on financial goals

Reason for asking is she calls it financial abuse , shows me reels and posts but she has accepted that she controlled and refused intimacy when she was angry at me.

AITAH for not sharing my financial details but only survival money when she is not even trying to get a job since 2 years and I hustle hard?

Throwaway account for a reason

We have been married 3 years and my wife has barely hold a job in NYC for 6 months in that period
Never saw her paycheck

I have been grinding hard as trying to come up financially to different bracket

She had problem with my work hours as she claims I don’t give her time (I work 6 days a week and other week 5 average 55 hrs) whenever I go home in evening around 8 she is cold and nothing much is happening so I think working and making money makes more sense. I often try to check her response if I go some days early but it has been same

She used to hold intimacy as a weapon in past (she has accepted it during therapy we tried for 4 weeks)

Here is the problem no I have been paying 100 percent of bills (often for her nails too) she wants to know my finances telling me she doesn’t know how much money we have and all . Before 7 months I briefly. Showed her bank account just to make her calm that we have enough for emergency and basics but recently she wasn’t to know stocks and every detail. I intentionally keep it to my self due to her habit of holding intimacy as a weapon so I created my own (not a mature or good thing I know)

Am I being a bad husband?
She claims that she can not get even job as a cashier in NYC in last 7 months and I do not believe it

Also she is stay at home wife n no kids house is not always clean and has tough time explaining to me what she does all day ( no studies obligation or anything) anytime I ask the discussion doesn’t go well and she claims if she moves out of NYC she can get better stable job!

TLDR she doesn’t want to show me compassion , has problem with me grinding hours, doesn’t work and wants to know all my finances while holding intimacy as a weapon. Am I right to not show her everything but make her calm that we are not bankrupt ?

Thanks