u/InternationalJob9164

I have a messed up immune system after going through things that I shouldn't have during my childhood. It started with total alopecia, extreme weight gain, restless legs, tics and similar. Fixing my TSH has allowed most of my hair to return, aside from some spots, its thickness, brows etc.

For the last four years (I'm 19 now), I have been working out in various ways and trying to watch what I eat to lose weight. I lost 10kg in half a year by cycling intensely an hour everyday. Then the weight loss stopped, and despite keeping the same diet, I tried to start strength training. I gained all the weight back.

I began doing research, realising that both HIIT and intense cardio was giving me symptoms that resembled inflamation (red spots, headache, water retention...). Now I'm doing mild strength training for 20 minutes twice/thrice a week, and get 10k steps in on the other days. It feels better, but I still can't lose weight. I feel way stronger, but the belly and thigh fat won't budge despite visible muscles.

Otherwise, I'm very skeptical towards elimination diets - I'm studying to become a nurse and am aware of how easily it can be used as an excuse to have people buy expensive products (aka gluten free and etc). Though, I know I sometimes can't even tell when I feel "healthy" or "ill", simply because I have lived like this all my life.

So is the gruelling process of an elimination diet worth it? Has any of you lost weight from it, or has it only been a side effect of general better dieting? I personally stand by that everything is fine if eaten in moderation, though I do see how the thyroid is responsible for metabolism, and how the immune system is overreactive to its functions. I would also lie if I said that I don't struggle with alot of nausea, and random inflammation in the face every now and then.

I have felt that I am always the one who gives a lot in friendships, and am never matched in initiative. I remember details about others, their boundaries, inquired about their hobbies. Basically, I have always been very active from the get go. Yet I was always the one people never actually chose, and was never asked about anything in return. Not to mention always having been criticized for my boundaries (such as that I don't party, I have a chronic illness, etc).

I havee found myself in one sided relationships way too often. Once, I had online friends, and at some point was the only one writing in the chat for like 2 years. This is also when I realized I likely have grown a deep fear of abandonment.

I have lately realized that, my lifelong quote of "I can be friends with anyone", has been only harming me in turn of making others comfortable. I always see if others are lonely, and try to fill that emptiness for them, but then no one has ever seen me. I always start friendships perhaps oversharing, or being very active talker and chatter. Now I see that, if I had only paced myself slower with opening up, and how much initiative I give, I could have seen earlier that a relationship is going to be very surfaced. It's basically like I'm trying to heal my own loneliness by making others feel seen, and then am confused why I don't get this in return. I think it has ruined my confidence, because I mistake their lack of matching by vibe for not liking me. To think of, maybe some people find it scary how quickly I open.

I have become so burned out by these relations drifting off, and never had an actual close friend my entire life, that I have been physically sighing at the thought of trying to seek out people. Even trying to join hobby groups and things. That was until the relaisation made today, while trying to detail a plan a "friend" of mine invited me too, and her responding one sentence per hour on snap... That I would have not been so anxious about how people respond to me, and sometimes don't, if I had simply not given so much myself in the first place.

It only took me my entire lifetime to see this, or I think this is the answer to it? Does anyone else relate, or might the issue lay elsewhere?