u/Intricate_underneath

On the verge of giving up. I have been calling off work alot more. I have had MDD for many years and probably undiagnosed adhd. Sometimes the only thing that helps is self harm although I don't even have energy to do that. I can't stay consistent and follow through. I have been sleeping more than ever. The uncomfortable constant restlessness and the inability to just exist comfortably is extremely difficult to deal with. I am a mom who is going through a divorce as of this past December. I don't have any custody but I visit them 3 to 4 times a week. I know I have to live for them. But I feel like a POS mom. My hopelessness is worsening. There is no reason to do anything. Starting to struggle to eat. I am afraid I am passing a certain threshold again. One where it's hard to come back from, but we will see.

Yes, I do get benefit from meds as they keep me from being hospitalized. I've tried many. I have had ECT which did wonders for me before but it didn't help as much last time I tried it....plus the anxiety I would have beforehand was too much. Done TMS twice. Want to try spravato if I can get the motivation to start with the process. I also haven't tried auvelity.

Just wondering if I should just give up

As stated above, I am searching for a man who is more on the submissive side (not completely submissive) to connect with. That doesn't mean just sexually either. I prefer a man who is willing to see me as worthy and treat me as such. I am sick of chasing men. I'm looking for someone who truly leans more on the submissive side, but can be a switch when it feels right. A man who enjoys yearning and pleasing. This isn't just about bedroom stuff either. I need someone who will love me for me, unconditionally. I prefer someone who is local since I have kids and would need to stay in the area. I am recently going through a divorce.

I want someone who can provide consistent communication and doesn't change their mind on a whim. Someone who can handle constructive criticism and handle my emotions. I don't want to be told what to do and especially don't want to be told how I should be dealing with my struggles.

Some of my hobbies and interests: walks/hikes, neuroscience and psychiatry, hanging out at coffee shops, singing, dance, houseplants, learning about birds and bird watching, movies and cuddling, sharing reels and memes 😊

My love languages (to receive) are acts of service (which can go along with physical touch as well) and quality time. (To give) are quality time and physical touch.

Maybe I'm asking for too much, but I know exactly what I want at this point in my life. DM me and we can discuss further details!