u/IsThisIdeaGoodIdk

Hey y’all :)

I’m back!!

As a precaution, a few days before the wedding I sent my venue some press my brother was featured in (his ex called him a rapist in a national publication) where his photo was shown so they knew to watch out for him and what he looked like.

At the end of the day, I was 95% sure he wouldn’t come. Growing up, he would never show up to events I WANTED him to attend, and my wedding was in an extremely remote location anyway so I felt I had sufficient insurance.

And I was right :) he never showed.

Most of my stress was centered around my parents. I was concerned that they would cause some kind of scene, but they were pretty withdrawn the whole day. But at every moment I was lowkey terrified they would do something. When I finally took my wedding dress off I was covered in hives. So that was fun.

But honestly, looking at the pictures of the day, I look happy and relaxed. I absolutely love our pictures, every vendor did a phenomenal job, and I look back with mostly fond memories.

Where my parents and I stand now:

Weird. Before the wedding, I honestly would have thought they were my best friends. I felt like I could tell them anything.

Therapy didn’t last long, but in our final session I let my mom know that I felt like fundamentally, they treated my brother and I very differently. Where they expected me to show up early, they were just happy if he showed up at all. If I’d gotten pregnant at 25 to a man 11 years older than me on a first date, not 5 years after graduating an Ivy League school they paid full price for, I KNEW they would not be excited for me. But for him, they were delighted.

My brother and his fiancée ended up getting married only a day or two after me, in a nearby city, by a justice of the peace. My parents attended but to my knowledge it was extremely small. She was 6 or 7 months pregnant at this point.

I feel like the best friends I thought I had in my parents are now people with whom I have major value differences. I don’t know how to reconcile the people I grew up with with the people who’ve been shitty to me the last 9 months.

I don’t really call or text them anymore. Maybe that will change, idk.

About the money:

A lot of people called out the cost of my wedding, how my parents paid therefore could call the shots, etc.

I will be honest: my parents are very wealthy (low 8 figure net worth). The amount they paid for my wedding literally meant nothing financially to them. Beyond this, I often wrestled with the concept that they paid therefore it was “their party”.

But that concept is so gross to me. If I threw my friend a bday party, it would be SO SHITTY of me to invite someone they had a horrible relationship with. Even if I paid for every single thing, I would never do that to a friend.

I said as much to my parents. I underscored that if I had known my wedding budget hinged on my brothers attendance, I would never have accepted a dime. They agreed putting conditions on the money retroactively was unfair.

Anyway. Married life is great, my husband is amazing, and I appreciate every single comment. I read them all. Can’t believe so many people cared!