How to improve myself as a person with little to no inner monologue and aphantasia?
I believe I have no inner monologue and aphantasia (can't visualise things in my head). I have genuinely only came to this conclusion recently. I know I've thought like this for as long as I've been alive but I've not thought about what it means in terms of relationships with others. I get stressed when others think badly of me and I do quite selfish things to prove my innocence, often without thinking about what other people are thinking and feeling. Or often when I get yelled at or i am in trouble I shut down and just cry and I'm unable to calm myself down. I can force a voice inside my head if I try but it doesn't help to calm me down. Thoughts like 'this will pass' 'the world is so big but this problem is so small' doesn't work. I am reading Marcus Aurelius meditations right now and I want to apply stoic philosophies to my life. The only problem is I seldom put these ideas into use in emotional situations. They tend to control me because it sits uncomfortably in my body, I don't overthink, I don't put myself down but I just feel such a heavy sinking feeling inside myself. What are ways I can manage my cognitive process to become a better more rational person? If anyone has any tips I would be eternally grateful. I'm experiencing relationship issues with my partner and parents at the minute. They're tiny spats but I've only realised recently how I act upon my emotions with little care of consequences, saying hurtful things or just getting into depressive ruts with no way to stop. I also can't think about past memories visually which tends to make me lose focus of what is important, like how much love I've received and all the happy memories I've had with others. This makes it so difficult to calm myself down when I'm in arguments. Is there a way to make me think more when things like this happen?