I was just formally diagnosed with PTSD today.
It's been a long time coming. I have been wondering if I had PTSD for a very long time as I had been physically abused in childhood. Very religious family in Appalachia basically. My brother and I both have autism and our father was very "traditional" in his "discipline" any time we did something wrong or were too loud at church we would get hit with the switch at home. For those who don't know it was just a long thin bamboo stick that he would whack us with on the butt often until we had welts. My brother couldn't regulate his emotions and I also became his punching bag.
I had been trying to get diagnosed for a long time for this and then came highschool and things only got worse. After getting out of my first relationship I felt lost and then came the worst person I had ever met in my life. He basically love bombed me and gave me attention and then the manipulation started. Constant compulsive lies. Pressured me to do more marijuana than I could handle. Talk about me behind my back. Then he would start pressuring me for nudes.Then pressuring me to do things I didn't want to in the bedroom. He would bite me even though I said no.
Eventually a rumor got back to me that he had showed someone a nude picture of me. I never saw the picture and he never sent it in a chat. He just turned his phone around to show someone. But I believed them because he had shown me nudes of other people in our school. I cut things off from him but the next year rolls around and I find out he had been stalking my Snapchat on a new account. I blocked him after taking screenshots. It goes quiet for some time. Then he tries to talk to me at pride fest.
I screamed at him and had a full panic attack. I tell my mom I want to go to the municipal office to get a restraining order but she doesn't take me there for months because I'm transgender. She thought I was trying to change my name. When she finally does take me the guy I met there didn't take me seriously at all. He proceeded to constantly misgender me and dismiss me while I am retraumatizing myself just to tell him what happened. He tells me it's been too long since there was an incident.
I was in hysterics at this point and nearly walked out into traffic if my mom hadn't grabbed me. I once tried to talk to a police officer about it but he said I didn't have enough evidence to make a case against him. So I am just stuck having nightmares knowing he's still out there. Every year at pride fest he's there and he stares at me and my friends so I have to spend the whole event just avoiding him hoping he's too afraid of me beating the snot out of him to approach me.
But at least for today the sky is finally blue and I feel like I might actually get some form of help now.
(Edit to separate into paragraphs instead of a giant unintelligible sentence)