u/Itsjustbead

So here is the whole story.

I am posting on a friend's account because I am always being tracked on my phone. He installed tracking software on my phone, and I can't message or call anyone without him knowing. I also can't leave home without him knowing. If I go anywhere besides work, the grocery store or the nail salon, he will text me asking where I am and what I am doing. If I do not give a satisfying enough answer, he will ask me who I am with and proceed to call me and make me show him who I am with in the car or at work. This is a constant occurrence. I have actually refused to play his games and have once turned my phone off, and he drove from work, 4 hours away, spam-calling until I answered the phone. when I never did and was scared to death of what he was going to do when I got home, he came in and started asking why I do not love him. I told him I did not love him after everything he has done and how he has cheated on me at the start of our marriage. He cried and proceeded to try and have sex with me. I refused until I was so scared I eventually let him do it. but I am getting ahead of myself, let me back track.

We met in highschool. I didnt really like him at first but he was obssessed with me. He told me I was going to marry him one day and I never believed that would ever happen. He just seemed like a nice funny goofy sweet guy. Eventually we started dating and I grew to actually really love him. By the ned of highschool however, things started to go sour. He cheated on me with a few girls in school and I stupidly was in love with him at this point so I always ended up forgiving him. He would come over, make promises to me, then use me for sex, then leave again. After a year of this I went ot break it off, but I loved him and he asked for another chance. I gave it to him and he was so much sweeter and nicer and caring. He had completely changed for a while year.

I was there this whole time with my family on my dads work visa, but eventually the visa ran out and he no longer at work so he was moving back to Mexico with my family. I had to make a choice to stay here ( I was married at this point already) or move back with my family. It was very, very difficult, but I stayed here. After being married for a little while and being here with him and his parents, he eventually managed to get a dream job. He went from maing barely any money to TONS of money. He was financially set. The problem was is he became so obessed with all of this and lecturing me on my life and my spending habbits that he would talk down to me. Control any money he had, only buy me food and necisities if I begged him for it and told him I was financially irresponsible. He held it all over my head. Not horribly but enough to where i am now scared to ever ask him for money. He still pays for things and he pays for all of the rent but I feel like everything we were supposed to have together is just his own.

Now while all of this is going on, I find out he is cheating on me in a sence. I cannot prove he was sleeping with other girls but I can prove he was looking at p*rn and sending money and messages to girls in chat rooms. Paying for their content. I at the time was still trying to save our marriage and trying to get any afffection I could from him but he refused to give me any. He would not hold my hand in public, he would not kiss me, he would push me away when he was with his friends and make fun of me. He treated me like dirt but at this point I felt trapped. Eventually I started working myself and I ended up in a really bad situation and long story short with that I cheated.

He shortly found out and I had to end it. I fell in love with someone else but now I am scared to death that this has given him all control. I was trying to wait everything out until I got my 10 year card but I am just barely 1 year and 7 months into this marriage and mentally I cannot take it anymore. I recently found out the process of me now getting my 10 year is going to take even longer, up to a year, and I cannot stay married to this man anymore. I begged a friend to help but and to take me up at their place but they refused because they did not want to get into any legal trouble or mess anything up for me with my green card. I felt so close but now I feel like I can never escape. I do not make enough to leave and if I do I will have to go back to mexico where I am not any better off. What can I possibly do? I need help, and I am desperate.

Long story short. My gf of one year has been very emotional lately and very angry. She has been snapping at me for various things and making me feel very stupid or making me feel like a pathetic human being. (She is also very sweet and giving and affectionate too. So she's not all bad.) But She yelled at me like I was a child because I didn't know how to cook a steak properly. It made me feel so stupid that I ended up crying. I tend to em overly sensative sometimes. She didn't apologize but she did come over and hug me, and I took that as an apology.

The problem is, I never call her names, I never yell, I never defend myself out of fear of upsetting her. She did tell me she was feeling bad and having all kinds of problems mentally and when we had lunch together I joked around and said "you have been very moody lately" she snapped at me and I kinda kept it going because she wasn't just getting angry, she ended up telling me to get the F away from her and crumbled up her crackers she was eating, and dumped them all over me. To which I told her "people who love each other do not treat other their partners like this" to which she told me to F off again.

Since then it has been several hours and she has ignored anything I have said tk her. She got off work and I tried to call her a few times but she just ignored it. She did have one response and told me "since I am being so emotional I will just be emotional by herself since no man can handle it apparently."

And that was that. Its been 18 hours since then and I had sent her a long text telling her I didn't mean to invalidate her feelings or make light if the situation. I told her I was sorry my actions hurt her and would be here if she ever decided she wanted to talk to me about things again.

Did I do the right thing? Should I just leave her alone now and just consider it over? Am I wrong for thinking her reaction is very extreme? It feels toxic in a way, and while it did hurt me deeply I cannot help but keep on thinking about how she treated me so bad and dumped her food on me out if sheer anger. Yelling at me and calling me names.

I am going to keep this shorter than id actually want to write it as but I feel like what my gf does to me is mentally abusive and I am not sure if its serious enough that I need to leave or something can be done about it?

Met her about a year ago and she was energetic sweet and fun. We would discuss a lot if things we disagreed on but also had a lot in common. I felt we showed each other mutual respect but now a year later her lack of respect is so astronomically high I just cant fathom how someone can treat another human being they "love" like she treats me.

Usually, 1 week before her period, she will start calling me names, shooting down EVERY SINGLE thing I say and be little every single thing I do.

Her new phrase this last 2 weeks for me was for me to "stfu c*nt" she tell me it constantly. She call me a "b*tch" tell me im "g*y" and then giggle everytime she would say it to me. I have ALWAYS ignored when she would say these things to me but when she started calling me "c*nt" it crossed a line for me and I told her to stop. She proceeded to keep doing it but would say "oops sorry" After every single time.

She acts like its just funny and im too sensitive but I feel so disrespected when she calls me those things.

She also loves to belittle things i do or say. If i forget something she said she calls me old and goes "are you stupid??" "Im not gonna repeat myself because your too stupid to remember" "I HATE when I have to tell you something again because I know you arent this stupid"

And last but not least she will correct every single thing I do to the point I am scared to do ANYTHING.

If we are in the car she will tell me to stfu so she listen to her music, tell me if she hears me chewing she will lose her shit. When we talk in a store I am either walking too fast and ditching her and ahe HATES that or I walk too slow and she will look at me like I am the stupidest idiot in the world. If i open a bag wrong she rolls her eyes at me and yells at me and snatches the bag from my hand. If i hand her the wrong items when she is checking out she will get mad and tell me im doing it wrong but if i don't hand her stuff she will call me useless and crap talk me in front of everyone.

The last thing that recently happened was we had to go back and get an order that they forgot to give us at a fast food restaurant. She was acting really happy and fun this whole time and we where getting along very well. I am about to pull up and she goes "dont be weird and treat anyone bad... dont make this akward" i said "i have never done that... what to you mean?" Causing me ti get flustered immediately and try to be overly nice to the girl. I tell her "hey. I was just here and they didnt give us half our order. We got the one chicken nugget but not the other:)" she goes "ohhh was this for mark???" I said "no it was for brad :)" she calls in and says "ok pull forward and they will get you" i said "ok great! Thank you very much" and as we pull forward my gf sighs.

Idk what happened but I get to the window and the girl gives me the order and apologizes. I say "hey its ok. Thank you very much. You have a wonderful day :)" then drive off. My gf opens her mouth and goes "idk why you have to do that... you are so freaking rude!" I was confused and said "i was so nice? How was i rude???" She said "the way you talk to people is rude. You need to work on that." I finally reached my tipping point remembering all the names she had called me, all the times she has acted like im awful or do everything wrong and I snapped back and said "well... im not the only one that has things they need to work on." She laughs and says "this is about you. Idk how you think its ok to attack me when we are talking about you."

I sit in silence for 5 mins and then end up apologizing for snapping at her, only to be met with a side eye and a "idc. You need to figure your shit out and learn to not take it out on others. Its a you problem" I drop her off, she has since blocked me and given me the silent treatment for the last 7 hours.

Im fighting this horrible anxious feeling since it happened and trying to block it out of my head but im an anxious attachment type of person and I am struggling. I know I deserve so much better than this. How do I distract myself so I can leave her alone and not reinforce her toxic behavior and make her think she is right treating me this way?